Alright. I know what I'm about to say might ruffle some feathers, but here goes nothing: Summer is just about over, isn't it?
GAH, I know. Most marketing subject lines and blog titles that have been making their rounds all lead with the F word: FALL and I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was more than somewhat excited for a new season to arrive. In my opinion, the switching over from summer to fall is one of my favorite transitions ever -- it's the most apparent and, unlike between winter and summer, it's more bittersweet, as opposed to embittered.
Of course, it just doesn't feel right to start packing away one season of clothes for the next without properly biddy adieu to them. Thankfully, a lot of my summer dress MVPs (in all the photos you see here) are still a.) available and many are b.) on SALE! All the more reason to scoop up a few end of season deals and plan those last few long weekend trips before pumpkin spice lattes consume us all.
I've linked all the original posts for these photos below and you can shop them all via the carousel also below. I just want to highlight, the yellow Mara Hoffman number that I wore in DC earlier this summer is now on SUPER SALE -- act fact people! She won't last for long -- plus, she'd be perfect with booties and a killer blazer layer on top for...wait for it...here comes the F word: FALL.
Happy shopping and hope you're enjoying these last few weeks of summer!
Truth be told: I didn't realize this would be such a requested topic.
Just a few weeks ago, after playing around with the newly launched Questions feature on Insta Stories, I noticed a common question popping up -- namely around how I prepared and eventually moved to New York City about three years ago from San Francisco. I suppose at the time of moving, I didn't exactly consider myself an expert on the subject by any stretch of the imagination -- heck, I was flying by the seat of my pants and praying that my stuff made it across the country seemingly in one piece, a friend who knew about Bradford real estate gave me some advice on how to move into New York because he had lived there before -- so it felt misguided of me to share my blueprints as the "be-all, end-all" plan.
But, I think after reflecting these past few years, I've realized how much that process was a long time in the making -- years really -- so I wanted to sit down and jot down my thoughts on the subject, in hopes it helps some of you, sitting wherever you're sitting in the world, make that New York dream a reality, too. I can remember how it was getting close to moving day and I was stressing out so much. I didn't know how I was going to transport all of my items in one go, especially as I only had a small car at the time. Luckily for me, a family friend offered to hire a van which they would use to help me take my possessions to my new home. This was amazing because I didn't think this would even be an option, but I'm so grateful this offer came through. He was telling me how it wasn't hard to get a van, the companies he looked into they have an online quotation system, made the process of obtaining the right insurance a lot easier. I look back on how everything was initially and I'm so happy with how everything has turned out.
First things first, though -- let's set some context.
For those of you who don't know already, I am not originally from New York or the east coast in general, and I have no family on this side of the country. I'm originally from Reno, Nevada -- 'Biggest Little City in the World' and it truly feels that way. Big enough to get lost, small enough where you know most people. And for as long as I can remember, I wanted to live in New York. I blame this on many books (Catcher in the Rye and The Great Gatsby to name a few), and several fictional TV/movie characters (Carrie, yes, I'm looking at you) and after a brief 5-year stint working in tech in San Francisco, I eventually made the cross-country leap, with the help of my company at the time. I should note, Google helped subsidize the costs of the move, covering most of the bigger expenses, like getting all my things from point A (SF) to point B (NYC), as it wouldn't be fair to not paint that full financial picture for you. But there was a lot I knew I had to be prepared to cover myself, upfront, and even more, so that I discovered perhaps the hard way.
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The bottom line is: Moving to New York is expensive. Living here is even more expensive. Here's how I did it and what I learned in the process.
It's true what they say -- it's NOT for everyone: Let's start here, shall we? Lots of people want to move to New York, not everyone wants to actually LIVE here. It's fast-paced, it's expensive, it's HOT in the summer, it's COLD in the winter, it's basically a city of extremes -- which means the pros (and don't get me wrong, there are MANY!) are sometimes equally met with the cons, depending on how you look at it. Before you start getting those proverbial ducks in a row to move to NYC, I would definitely recommend visiting the city multiple times, preferably at different times of the year to see if you can actually picture your life here. After many NYFW visits during February (read: when hell actually freezes over), and realizing that I still really wanted to live here, I knew I couldn't turn back.
The cost and logistics of moving: As I mentioned before, much of the actual move cost was subsidized by Google, my employer at the time, but that doesn't mean I splurged. I was given a set amount and I had to make it stretch. Moving is never easy for anyone, but it is not an impossible task. Whether someone needs to learn more about using a vehicle transport service, for example, find boxes big enough to fit essentials, go house hunting or even get the help of friends/family to assist them on the day, there's so much that goes into the moving process. When the time came to actually figure out what was coming with me across the country, I realized how much I actually needed to downsize. A lot of furniture was donated (bye, bye Ikea) and I even sold a bunch of clothes -- all in hopes to lighten the final load. Since I was taking only a handful of pieces of furniture (a bed, dresser, bar cart, a bike, and my closet), I ultimately went with a shipping container -- one that gets dropped off at your home/apartment, you pack it yourself, it gets picked up a few days later and is driven across the country via semi-trucks. The grand total was around several thousand, but it depends on what size container you order and how heavy the actual load comes out to be. I ordered Task Rabbit movers for packing up my SF apartment and again when it came time to unload and move into my NYC apartment.
Ditch your car: Perhaps this goes without saying, but you won't need it here and in fact, it'll cost you quite a bit just to keep it in the city, depending on which neighborhood you end up in. My two cents: sell it or donate it before you leave, unless you're ready to pony up for premium parking here in the city. I donated my car to Kars 4 Kids (a great end of year tax write off!).
Research your neighborhoods: Since I had a decent amount of visits to NYC under my belt, I had a relatively solid understanding of what neighborhoods I really LOVED hanging out in and which ones I could actually see myself living in. Perhaps it's the Carrie Bradshaw aficionado in me, but my heart was always in the West Village from the start. Of course, this came with some hard realizations: every neighborhood is expensive, some more so than others (like the West Village), and you really have to consider what type of lifestyle you're looking to balance. Do you want to be near the parks? Do you want great restaurants nearby? What about nightlife? What if you want more peace and quiet? How close are major subway lines? What does your commute to work look like? And then there's the HARD question of what can you actually afford? Should you consider roommates to help alleviate the cost? And as much as possible, try to chat with people who live in those neighborhoods -- see what they love about the area and what they hate. When I was moving, I talked a lot with coworkers and friends -- but if you're starting from scratch here, try reaching out on social media -- you'd be surprised how happy people are to share what they love (and what they hate!) about their neighborhood to help you out!
The apartment hunting process is not for the faint of heart: While researching your neighborhoods, it's also a good idea to get really comfortable with the following truth: it's not easy finding an apartment in New York City. Sure, there are those urban legends that someone magically lucked out with a rent-controlled, high-ceiling, pre-war beauty for a fraction of the normal going rental price, but the reality is, it's hard work and you rarely get everything you're looking for.
When I was searching for apartments, I was doing most of it from across the country while still working and living in SF, and therefore had to rely on a broker, who was basically my eyes and ears on the ground here in NYC. Let it suffice to say: he earned his commission! I planned one long weekend in NYC to look at a BUNCH of apartments back to back and had to ultimately decide on one soon after so I could keep my relocation on schedule. As much as I'd love to say it's realistic to take your time and house up in hotels and Air BnBs before deciding on an apartment, most of us don't have that budget or that time frame to work with -- things move fast here, especially semi-decent apartments, so you have to as well, or you'll be left in the lurch. My advice: make a list of your non-negotiables (mine were pet-friendly, off the ground floor, near subway lines) and make another list of things you're willing to budge on (storage space, aesthetic qualities) and be open-minded and realistic with yourself when searching. Oh, and that upper maximum rate you set for yourself -- STICK TO IT.
Some general rules of thumb to keep in mind when searching: there are a lot of units available in the summer, mainly because students are graduating and possibly relocating for the season but rental rates are typically lower in the winter, February being the BEST time to sign a lease. Pet-friendly buildings are harder to come by and they vary by neighborhood -- West Village, generally speaking, is pretty dog-friendly. A broker is 99% of the time inevitable, whether you like it or not and they typically charge around 15% of the yearly rent. StreetEasy will be your best resource for listings -- check it daily.
Get your financials in ORDER: OK, so you've found an apartment you LOVE (or at least, tolerate enough to throw thousands of dollars at each month), now what? First of all, you have to get your belongings in there using a company similar to https://www.dscarriers.co.uk/removals-glasgow/. Then, now it's time for your marathon. I don't know how to put this nicely, so I won't: the approval process is cut-throat here. Case in point: most building management companies and/or landlords require that you make 40 to 50 times the monthly rent in a year, and if you don't, they may require you to have a guarantor on file (i.e. someone who promises to pay if you default). To make matters more complicated, sometimes they'll require that the guarantor lives in the tri-state area, to make collecting easier. As someone whose parents live on the other side of the country, if I had to go that route, I'd be screwed (thankfully, I didn't).
So what goes into an application you ask? Several recent pay stubs, recent tax returns, bank statements, all liquid asset statements, employment letter, previous landlord references, personal references, a credit check and a handwritten note, signed in blood, promising your first unborn child. (I'm only sort of kidding on that last point.) Even after all that, there's still a possibility that you may not get approved, depending on the building and the area -- sometimes management agencies will cut deals and ask that you pay several month's rent upfront to guarantee. My advice would be to polish that application package -- and identify the areas where you need to beef things up. Pad that savings account (more on that in the next bullet point), and have most paperwork already printed and ready to go (I arrived at most apartment viewings with my application already prepared in manilla folders).
Since I was working full-time at Google when applying, my employment letter carried a bit more weight than perhaps what my self-employed application might look like now, so that's something to keep in mind as well.
SAVE: This point should probably be the first and most obvious one to underline and underscore: SAVE UP. After you've gotten past the initial sticker shock of rental prices, move prices and broker fees, there's the unavoidable truth: New York is just plain expensive. Dining out is expensive. Dining in is expensive. Having a social life of some sort is expensive. Heck, washing your dog is expensive here. On top of that, NYC alone has a ridiculous amount of taxes to deal with (federal, state and city) so you'll need to sit down and really review your current financial and employment situation before moving. Since I was coordinating my move at the same time as a possible career change (that being quitting my full-time gig and pursuing blogging full-time) I knew I wanted that savings account to be even fatter than usual. Full disclosure: it took me several years to get my savings to account to a place where I felt comfortable moving and eventually quitting -- the very last thing I wanted was to get there and realize I had nothing to fall back on if I needed it.
Of course, while everything above sounds like an incredible PAIN IN THE ASS, the morning I woke up after spending the first night in my West Village apartment, with nothing but an inflatable mattress on the ground and lots of boxes, I couldn't wipe the stupid grin off my face. And, despite my ups and downs with the city over the years, that smile has stayed ever since.
What about you guys? Do any of you live in NYC? What was your experience moving here like?
8minute read There's a Mister Rogers quote that I particularly love and it goes like this: "There are three ways to ultimate success. The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind." And god damn it, it's so true. Kindness follows kindness. And success usually isn't far behind it.
It's been a rollercoaster over here -- with lots of full day shoots and little down time in between, which is admittedly, just the way I like it. That said, your Friday Favorites are coming a day late, so I hope you already have your weekend coffee in hand and some AC blasting (I certainly do!). Let's dive in!
The other day, when I was boarding the bus to head out to Montauk with the Cynthia Rowley team, my friend Lex sent me a DM with a photo of the Duchess of Sussex. Her message with the photo was: "Aren't you wearing the exact same outfit right now?!" I couldn't help but laugh -- we basically were! I had the denim, midi Martin Grant dress you see here, Meghan, of course, was in Carolina Herrera, for the Sentebale polo match in Windsor, but side by side, basically duplicates. Naturally, this begs the question, who wore it best?
I don't know about you guys, but I'm switching up my summer bag routine from straw and wicker to all things beaded. The more vintage looking the better. And this little number from Sachin + Babi is all I want to grab when I head out these days. Plus, it comes in so many different colors -- the emerald is high on my list.
Love her or hate her, she's got one damn good business model. This quote sums it up best: "Her business depended on no one ever being able to be her. Though I guess it also depended on their ability to think they might."
I recently saw this here in the city and practically had goosebumps the entire time. The archival footage is incredible and all the interviews are very candid and raw, plus the editing is hauntingly beautiful -- just like his work. Highly recommend seeing it.
Speaking of your watch list, I recently started HBO's Sharp Objects, with Amy Adams. AND I'M HOOKED. No surprise there though -- it's directed by none other than Big Little Lies's director Jean-Marc Vallée and the soundtrack is amazing -- already have it fired up on Spotify.
A heartbreaking and eye opening read. My favorite part: "On a conference call with a border patrol officer and his cousin, an editor at a local El Paso publication, they both agree “we have lost our focus on humanity.” The officer tells me a story of a four-year-old boy crossing the border alone and running up to him, grateful he’s made it across. As the officer turned the child over to officials, he held back tears. He knows the chance of the boy ever seeing his family again is slim. “His mom either sent him alone so that he would have a chance at a better life, or she’s already crossed over and is living undocumented and will be unreachable, but maybe she’s in the system. With up to 99 percent of asylum cases at El Paso being denied, it’s unlikely these two will end up together.”
I recently asked in an Instagram post whether you guys preferred a certain polka dot dress or a yellow dress and the overwhelming amount of comments in support of the yellow dress leads me to believe I just need more yellow in my life. Looks like I know what I'm shopping for this weekend.
If you've been following me for a while now, you know I'm a Broadway fanatic.
So much so, that I've gone through and marked the opening dates of most major productions as they come into town, highest on my list at the moment being Pretty Woman (but that's another post, for another day).
And while I love catching the latest openings, I'll never say no to a repeat performance, especially if that certain repeat performance happens to be a hip-hop/rap infused story about our founding fathers -- yes, I'm talking about Hamilton. If you recall, my guy and I hopped out to DC last month at the invite of The Jefferson Hotel team to celebrate their latest summer programming offer (3 nights for the price of 2, which is still running through the end of summer!). Every time I visit The Jefferson, I'm always blown away by how regal everything feels and these past few visits have been no different. This most recent weekend we ducked out of New York early on a Friday, pulling into Union Station around 10pm, just in time for a little indulgent room service and an early night cap -- had to save up our energy for the following evening! For more photos of The Jefferson (trust me, you won't want to miss their lobby!), head to this post!
On Saturday, we got up (early for my guy, late for me!) and headed straight for a slightly boozy lunch at Duke's Grocery (it came highly recommended from you guys!) to enjoy the second half of the England vs. Belgium World Cup semi-finals game. After we hung our heads ever so slightly for England (looks like it's not coming home this year, boys), we made a beeline for Georgetown Cupcakes and spent the afternoon roaming around Georgetown, as I casually picked out future homes (a girl can dream, right?).
After a brief late afternoon/early evening refresh and outfit change at The Jefferson, we made our way over to the Kennedy Center, which if you're ever in DC, you should definitely try to make one of your evenings there for a show or a performance. The architecture alone is breathtaking and if you catch if just right on a sunny, summer evening, the light is nothing short of magical as it casts shadows across the grand entrance -- quotes from JFK greeting you as you walk in -- the Potomac River just within earshot.
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Of course, Hamilton left us both singing and tapping our feet -- and while it's round two for me, King George just never gets old! Every time he came on stage, I tugged my poor, bewildered boyfriend's arm in excitement, as I practically know each and every word to his musical numbers. (Perhaps you do, too?)
We then ended the evening at Le Diplomate (another spot that came highly recommended from you guys!) and it was such a treat, especially on Bastille Day! Unbeknownst to us, their evening hours turned into a drag queen show, which was the perfect ending to our day -- a lot of smiling, singing and all the french fries I could muster.
On Sunday, we spent the day recovering and getting a bit of work done at The Jefferson's library room (a must-see if you're visiting the property, such a beautiful, quiet haven if you need to get caught up on emails). And for our last few hours in town before catching the train back, we decided to walk over to the Lincoln Memorial, just a stone's throw away, and one of my all time favorite memorials to visit. I could literally sit there for hours, crowds or not, and listen to the wind pass through the trees, the birds chirping overhead and the clatter of so many different languages being spoken, all at the feet of one our most noble presidents.
Huge thanks to The Jefferson team for having us again and inviting us out to see Hamilton -- we had such an incredible time!
On that note, I've pulled a few noteworthy dresses perfect for your next evening at the theater, so keep scrolling! Are you guys seeing any performances soon? Would love to know which ones!
[prodl brand="Ulla Johnson" product="Delilah pleated dress" description="I like to think a Schuyler sister would love this dress -- and it was actually the first thing I packed for the weekend, because I knew I wanted to wear it to the Kennedy Center. The perfect amount of flow, this dress was a crowd favorite! I got compliments at the theater and at dinner afterward. It's currently on sale, so act fast!" link="Lhttp://shopstyle.it/l/O66Z"][/prodl]
[prodr brand="Lovers + Friends" product="Monica polka dot dress" description="My friend Courtney of Color me Courtney are currently planning our lady date for Pretty Woman (sorry to both our boyfriends -- we're leaving you out this time!). For a musical like this, I like to play homage to a character without it being too literal. You all know I love a good polka dot so I'm tipping my proverbial hat to Vivianne's polo outfit, without copying the exact color scheme." link="http://shopstyle.it/l/O67D"][/prodr]
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[prodl brand="Staud" product="Langdon poplin dress" description="Well if this isn't the perfect dress to wear to Mean Girls, then I don't know what is! You can snag yourself bonus points if you can book tickets for a Wednesday performance, because you know what we love to wear on Wednesdays, right?" link="http://shopstyle.it/l/O68z"][/prodl]
[prodr brand="Tibi" product="Ruffle pleated dress" description="For the classics, like My Fair Lady or Phantom of the Opera, I love wearing something a bit more refined and timeless. This Tibi dress has made the rounds in beautiful lilac and orange colors this season but I personally LOVE the white. So seasonless, yet the shape is so distinct." link="http://shopstyle.it/l/O7bL"][/prodr]
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[prodl brand="Ulla Johnson" product="Lenore smocked dress" description="Yep, another Ulla Johnson dress, but for good reason! The sheerness of this dress is just the right amount of sexy for a theater show -- but the length and flutter sleeves keep it slightly demure at the same time. All too fitting for Chicago perhaps? Yes, please and all that jazz!" link="http://shopstyle.it/l/O7aX"][/prodl]
[prodr brand="Jacquemus" product="La Robe sol dress" description="So admittedly, I just want an excuse to wear something in this shade of yellow, especially if it involves Jacquemus. Best part? This dress is now on sale! For something this bright, try and snag tickets to a more lighthearted show -- perhaps Lion King or Aladdin -- or heck, maybe you'll catch The Boss' eye during his namesake show?" link="http://shopstyle.it/l/O7dx"][/prodr]
Perhaps I'm still playing catch up from our weird holiday week a while back, but the past few days have felt like a marathon. Waking up super early, going to bed super late and still feeling like I'm not getting through my to-do list each day. I'm heading out to Sag Harbor today with the Nicole Miller team, so I'm looking forward to kicking off an early summer Friday with some sunshine out east.
Also, since the weekend is nigh, just wanted to remind you all that I'll be speaking tomorrow at the Her Conference here in NYC, from 10 to 11am. Our panel discussion is all things related to Blogging 101: growing your reach and increasing your engagement. Plus, I have some RAD ladies joining me, all of whom I admire so much. If you happen to be in the city this weekend, I'd love to meet you! You can snag your weekend pass right this way and make sure to use the code "HERCONFCC" at checkout for $50 off!
As always, hope you have a wonderful weekend ahead, no matter what you have planned! And thanks for reading! In the meantime, here's a rundown of everything that's caught my eye this week:
Loved this honest and very candid post from Jess. It's also a great reality check that I think we all need from time to time, the more we consume on social.
So, in case you missed the army of influencers who posted their new Dior saddle bags yesterday, here's the rundown: Dior has officially relaunched their late 90s, early aughts iconic bag: the saddle bag. Carrie Bradshaw circa season 3 would be proud! But I'm curious, what are your thoughts? Do you prefer the vintage version still? Or it's updated and more expensive younger sister?
My boyfriend recently shared this video with me, and I'm now tempted to recreate it myself. Such a clever, tongue in cheek take on the "I'm so cool without really trying fashion video."
I recently got hooked on this -- and love how concise but comprehensive it is. Everything you need to know about what happened in the world that week, taking about 10 minutes or less to read.
I'm so happy that you guys loved my review of Rent the Runway's Unlimited service! As a follow up, I wanted to mention their team is happy to offer an additional 40% off to my readers for their first Unlimited order! Simply enter the code "KRYSTALPERK40" at checkout. Speaking of, here's what I'm currently waiting to arrive for my next order: this Solace London dress, this Amur dress and this Martin Grant dress.
Today, we're going to talk about The Happy Apples.
What the (fuck) are The Happy Apples, you say? Well, I'm glad you asked!
Let's rewind to 5th grade Krystal back in Reno, Nevada. I was insufferably shy. I loved to read ALL the time. I was obsessed with the Spice Girls. And admittedly, after reading through that list, not much has changed, but I do think about the group of friends I made and kept when I was that age, and realize, a lot, in fact, has changed.
The Happy Apples was the self-given name of a group of my closest girl friends (shameless shoutout to Darby, Amber, Siobhan and Breanne)! We met most days after school, in my backyard clubhouse (God, I miss that clubhouse) and made up an impressive amount of organizational infrastructure for a childhood secret club. We're talking a club song, club IDs, club passwords, club pledge, club rules, gosh you name it, it was probably scrawled out in a notebook that is likely still under my childhood bed at home. We told each other secrets. We knew all the words to "Wannabe." We cried on each other's shoulders as some of our respective parents went through divorces. We giggled about some of the boys we had crushes on at school. We were inseparable.
In short, it was pure, honest childhood friendship.
Now today's post isn't to say friendship becomes less pure or less honest as you get older. On the contrary! I have plenty of amazing, complex and inspiring men and women in my life who I'm so proud to call my friends. But unlike 5th grade Krystal all those years ago, the means to which you meet and foster relationships with these amazing, complex and inspiring people becomes a lot more, let's say, complicated as you get older. Much more complicated than a shared interest in the Spice Girls and how well you fold notes that you pass in class.
So if the Spice Girls and note folding don't get us there, how do you meet, make and keep friends, as an adult?
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I'll preface everything below by saying, I'm learning as I go, too! After multiple moves, job changes, relationship changes and lifestyle changes the past few years, my circle of friends has ebbed and flowed through all of it -- and it's still all very much a work in progress. At the end of the day though, sometimes we all need the reminder that we actually DO know how to make friends and that lots of girls (and guys) out there are looking for friends, too! With that in mind, I wanted to kick off this conversation in hopes we could all help each other out a bit, because that's what internet friends are for, am I right?
So...let's like...be friends?
OK, first things first. Maybe you've just moved to a new city. Or you've recently landed a new job in a new industry. Or you've broken up with a signifiant other and realized that you lost touch with your former circle of friends along the way. Or you're just looking to add a few new faces to your group. Whatever the reason, making friends as an adult certainly lacks the structure of yesteryear.
Let's review: when you don't have school or extra-curricular activities on your calendar essentially bringing strangers, who we shall rename "potential soon to be friends" together, how do you meet them? Let's go one step further and say you work from home and your coworker is your dog, well, social interactions become a bit more isolated, at best.
Social media: Perhaps this one seems a bit cliche at this point, especially coming from someone who is in the business of social media content creation, but there's a reason why most of you when I asked last night on Insta Stories how you make friends as adults responded with: THE INTERNET. And that reason is? It works. Whether it's through common interests and appreciation on Instagram, Facebook groups you both happen to be a part of or you just happen to like what they have to say on YouTube, there's a whole world of people out there, sitting behind their screens, much like you, wishing they didn't have a screen in front of them all the time.
It probably goes without saying, I've made so many of my good friends through blogging over the years. And some of them, even though I followed them for what seems like ages, I didn't actually get the gumption to reach out for a friendship until much later. Take Karen of Where Did You Get That? for instance. I've read her blog for YEARS. Years people. In fact, if I recall correctly, she was among the first handful of bloggers I started following way back when and I remember thinking at the time: "When I move to NYC someday, I want to be friends with her!"
Fast forward almost a decade later, and here we are, three years into living in NYC myself, and it wasn't until this year at a common event, did Karen and I realize: "Hey, you're cool -- let's be friends!" Certainly doesn't hurt that we over index on a lot of the same dresses, shoes and bags, all with zero prior coordination, but my point is this: sometimes a simple DM, email or comment goes a LONG way in kick starting a friendship. Don't be afraid to reach out. I bet whoever you send it to will welcome the invite!
Mutual friends: Again, perhaps this is an obvious one, but I find it's the approach that makes all the difference here. Sure, you can always ask your friends about their group of friends, but without some extra tangible push here, what's the catalyst for getting that new group together? Plan group outings, like picnics or afternoon movies, and tell everyone in your friend group to bring one of their friends along. When coworkers invite you out for drinks with their friends and you know zero folks in the group, join! And, if we want to piggyback off the first point here about social media, leverage some of your internet friends who may have friends in your town. Bottom line is: The six degrees of Kevin Bacon really is true -- we all have more folks in common than we think and if you go into those interactions with an open mind, you'll find it hard not to walk away with a new friend (or several!).
Bumble BFF: Confession time -- I'm actually trying out Bumble BFF this week, so I don't have any anecdotal success stories to share, BUT, plenty of you guys last night listed it as a great resource. And really, I'm not surprised. When you think about how we meet pretty much everyone else in our lives: significant others, employers, heck, the Task Rabbit dude who installed all the shelves in my apartment -- it really isn't all that farfetched to believe some of your new soon to be best friends might be waiting for you to swipe on them in an app. Much like dating, there's a certain finesse to it -- and just because you don't "click" with someone, doesn't mean you should give up on the whole thing. It takes time, but it's certainly worth it in the end.
Interest groups and clubs: Second to social media, this was the most noted means to making friends when I asked you guys last night on Insta Stories. And it follows a lot of the same logic that your inner 5th grader might use: find things you both love, proceed to geek out over them, and BOOM, FRIENDS, next thing you know, you're begging your parents to let you have sleepovers every other night. Ok, it's not quite like that, but you get the picture. Think of this one as two birds, one stone: join some activities/groups that you personally just love and would want to do anyway in your free time and then make a point to meet and get to know the folks in the group. You may not be braiding everyone's hair by the end of day one, but you'll definitely have some new numbers for coordinating lady dates (more on those below!).
Activities include but are not limited to: exercise classes, book clubs, volunteer organizations, church groups, store events, fellow moms you may run into because of your children's shared activities, you name it! The sky is the limit! Case in point: As some of you may have seen on Insta Stories, I recently started a running group for ladies here in NYC to join and feel like they have a network of women to just get outside and MOVE with. We've only had one official run on the books, but I was impressed by how many of the attendees mentioned they had just moved to the city and were looking to make friends. I was so happy and honored they wanted to do that with my little group!
The lone compliment: This one is my favorite, because in a city like New York, where seemingly no one has time for each other, giving a random, unprompted compliment actually goes REALLY far. I can't tell you how many times I've sparked up a conversation with someone after they compliment my dress or visa versa, and from that group, I've formed a few actual friendships that way -- including my upstairs neighbor. Sometimes, all you need is a small gesture like that to really open the door.
OK, we have a few new friends...now what?
Simply put -- it requires a different kind of effort: It goes without saying, life just gets a bit messier as we get older. We get busier. The schedules pile up. Responsibilities mount. Maybe you have kids. Maybe you don't. And along the way, it gets harder and harder to make time for friendships the way we used to. There's no magic formula here, as every friendship is unique and different, especially if you compound it with the fact some of your friends may live in other cities or countries. Planning phone call dates, catching up via long emails and even planning trips to take together are great ways to really dial into quality time with your friends. Personally, at this stage in my life, a lot of my friends are starting up their own side hustles, which I personally just love rooting on as one of their biggest cheerleaders. Sometimes our checkins are simply: "Give me a rundown of how your launch plan is coming together?" and while it may be short and brief, depending on what we both have going on during the day, I just want to remind them that I'm thinking about them and I believe in them.
Lady dates: My boyfriend recently dubbed some of my lunch dates as of late my "lady dates" and I have to say, I kinda love it! Whether you're just starting to get to know your new-found friend, or catching up with an old one, I love being able to carve some time out of my day to meet up for a slightly longer than usual lunch break with a gal pal. It's a welcomed breath of fresh air (after a lot of screen time) and, as someone who works mainly solo throughout the day, it makes for some great creative idea brainstorm sessions. Plus, it's the perfect way to sneak in some time with those harder-to-schedule-after-work friends, which I tend to be from time to time! I encourage you all to try and set up a few lady dates this week -- I guarantee you'll both leave feeling energized!
And that's all I have! Any tips you want to add? Anecdotes you'd like to share? Success stories you want to gush about? Spill!
5minute read Calling all my brides to be. Calling all my soon brides to be. Calling all my girls who couldn't care less about waltzing down an aisle who just love wearing beautiful white dresses.
4minute read In case you need a break from the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, here are 30 unique finds from my go-to designer consignment haunt, The RealReal.
As you might have spied on Instagram a few weekends ago...
I recently hopped out to Gurney's in Montauk with the Ralph Lauren team for a weekend away from the city with my guy, in celebration of their Polo Ultra Blue fragrance. Today's post is short and sweet but I did want to share this little photo diary, as it was the perfect weekend of relaxation, surfing and more than our fair share of indulging on seafood. I know I've said this before, but every time I make it out to Montauk, I'm reminded of how much I love feeling disconnected from the city every once and a while -- after all, they affectionately call it "the end of the world" for a reason.
Hope you're all having an amazing week so far and whatever travels you may have cooking up for this weekend or next, I hope they're filled with adventure!
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(Ha, just ignore my horrible tan lines here, please!)
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