While at dinner last night, Heather and I got talking about confidence.
Specifically, the shift that happens between your 20s and your 30s. If I think back to my 20s, they were much more stable in comparison to the early set of my 30s. I worked at a really corporate job with a lot of security, I was in a longterm relationship, heck I adopted my first dog — I was well on my way on a path that looked pretty darn comfortable. And in all honesty, when I look back at it, I still think to myself, “Hey, comfortable doesn’t look that bad.”
What says growing up more than adopting your own dog? This is a time where you really have to grow up, as you’re not just caring for yourself anymore. Throughout their entire life, they will rely on you to walk them, feed them, and to do the right thing when they’re unwell. My friend had recently read a story about just how effective pet CBD can be for animals, especially for dogs. This usually only becomes an option when they have joint pain (from running around), or if they have inflammation or cancer. But as I’ve taken on this huge responsibility at such a young age, I hope I don’t have to overcome any challenges like this. I think it would break my heart. Of course, I will do everything I can to keep my dog safe and well.
I felt pretty confident throughout my 20s — a lot of which I chock up to pride, ego and perhaps being slightly naive — the typical downfall of any good 20 something year old, right? That is, until 28 hit. I was feeling really unsatisfied at work, listless in a relationship that through no fault of any party involved, wasn’t going anywhere, and just generally feeling STUCK. Stuck in a life I wasn’t LOVING and god damn it, I really wanted to LOVE my life. What had I done wrong? Suddenly, I felt like I was letting my future 30-year old self down. I had this looming deadline, that being the end of my 20s approaching and I hadn’t done my homework properly. Everyone made it seem the minute 30 knocks on your door, you’re dressed for some AMAZING party where you’re the guest of honor and there I was, standing in laundry day sweats and three-day old washed hair, suitable for a pity party of one at home.
That’s when the overhaul hit. I moved across the country, I quit my job, I ended relationships that weren’t going anywhere — I started over. And while all of this was exciting and new and unchartered, there was something also very humbling about learning that sometimes you just need to clean the slate. That your 30s, no matter how well you approach them, always come with a fair bit of self discovery, of failure, of fear, of mistakes and ultimately, of triumphs. I went into my 20s guns blazing, thinking I owned the joint. I went into my 30s, quietly and confidently, shoulders squared, realizing that I don’t necessarily OWN anything, but myself and my actions — and that’s plenty for me.
So, if y0u’re listening 23-year old Krystal in some alternate universe (or perhaps you’re a recent college grad at the brink of your independent 20s), I’ll say this: pace yourself, you’ll get there. But at the same time, I hope you run (and fall) along the way — and relish both.