My unsolicited advice for the new year? A few thoughts...Be soft with yourself. Similarly, don't be afraid to be soft with others. But learn when hard stops are necessary. Embrace your curiosity — let it be the balm to your soul. Throw out the timelines. Trust your timing instead. Don't fear endings. They're just new beginnings in disguise. You don't need to have everything figured out today, tomorrow, or hell, even 5 years from now. Some of the most interesting people you'll meet (and have yet to meet) still don't have it figured out and I like to think, that's what makes life so damn interesting. It's the predictability you have to be wary of...
First things first, happy new year, my friends! I hope your celebrations, whether you stayed home or went out with friends, were filled with love and gratitude. I know mine certainly was.
Secondly, I suppose I might be coming out of my blogging hibernation. Or rather, I'd really like to wake up from this slumber but I'm now debating if I'm ready. Either way, I know I've missed you all terribly and appreciate the kind comments and messages you've sent in my absence. If I haven't underscored it lately, I'm so very blown away by this community of strong, intelligent, curious women who decide to visit me here.
So...here we are on the first Monday of the new year. The first full "work day" for many, myself included, after the holiday break. In previous years, I'd have a prepared resolutions blog post, likely waxing poetically about my intentions for the year, perhaps even throwing in a focus word or two. While that is admirable and entirely well and good, I paused when I sat down to write this blog post today and really asked myself what I hope to ask myself each time I write and share anything with you all — what is the why behind this? If the answer ever resembles "because I feel obligated to" then I know my heart isn't in it.
That said, I have no plans to share and no sweeping resolutions and if you don't either, then cheers to you. The thing that we often forget is that every day is an opportunity for a new start. You don't need the calendar to reflect January to do so. Today, I felt compelled to share the full list of lessons you all graciously shared with me a few weeks ago — a compilation of your triumphs, joys and sorrows from 2021 that bore a teaching moment. If you're still getting your footing here in 2022 like I am, I think reflecting on the past year (the good and bad) is a wonderful place to start.
Let's kick this off, shall we? Here's what you all learned in 2021...
"That there is strength in weakness."
"Tomorrow might never come. Enjoy today. No regrets."
"I'm good at alone time. Always avoided it before."
"I can be alone. Like 5 states away from friends alone and still thrive and kick some ass."
"My job doesn't define my worth."
"Being kind and caring is a superpower, not a weakness."
"To be bold, audacious and to trust myself."
"To depend on myself for my own happiness and that I am enough."
"Resilience. I wish I didn't have to learn this lesson."
"To separate external expectations from my own values and interests."
"That I am running my own race and that I really miss living in the same city as my family."
"Clothes can be comfy and chic."
"Buy all the shoes, take all the trips (when it's safe) and spend time with loved ones."
"To shift my priorities. Love as much and as best as I can."
"My puppy scout has reminded me what it's like to have pure love. I'm so grateful."
"I am an entrepreneur."
"I am not in control."
"To say no to things that don't nourish me or help me grow."
"How to heal from trauma responses/patience/empathy."
"That life can change in the blink of an eye."
"To remove the guilt from other's people disappointments."
"Imperfect and real is so much better than some dumb picture perfect idea I had."
"To live period."
"To ask for help when I need it. It's not a sign of weakness."
"Never settle. Something better always comes along."
"Waiting for the love you deserve you will be more than worth it."
"There is absolutely no point in settling for a person or a job."
"Not to shortchange myself and ask for that raise...and persist until I get it."
"Every moment is fleeting, find something I enjoy about each moment."
"That despite overwhelming grief (at times), I can have good days."
"Nothing is permanent or black and white. And also, there aren't any rules."
"That being around people you love is the best treasure the world can offer."
"To always be grateful for the life I have..."
"Spending time with family is very important, live your life with no excuses. Do everything."
"How others view me doesn't define me. Kindness always wins. Creative minds are magic."
Earlier last week week, I received my first COVID vaccination shot and quite unsurprisingly, it opened a floodgate of emotions for me. Gratitude. Relief. Shock. Pure unbridled joy. Humility. Unmistakable sadness. And even more gratitude. Since I figured I couldn't be the only person still processing how they feel about their vaccination (and perhaps more importantly, still processing how they feel about all of 2020), I opened up the stage for you all to submit your vaccination story — the idea being so that we could all collectively peek into each other's minds and hearts at what we hope is the bookend to a year that rocked us all to our core. All submissions below are anonymous and many I couldn't help but cry after reading. OK, I'll confess. I cried the entire time while reading these and then again, while compiling them here.
Moreover, there are quite a few even that punched me straight back to March of 2020, and I think we'd all do right to remember how we felt at that time. I don't say that to encourage us to feel controlled by the trauma of it but more so that we honor it to ensure the trauma wasn't in vain. Enough from me though — here are your vaccination stories that you so graciously shared with me. May they be a testament to what we endured, how we carried each other, how a great deal of brave men and women carried us all and just how incredible science can be when we trust in it.
1. "I'm a health care worker in NYC so I got my first dose a few months ago, but cried after it happened. Mostly in disbelief that there was finally a light at the end of a very dark and traumatic tunnel but also because I felt a sense of hope for the first time in over a year. Having to go almost two years without seeing my family, living alone in a studio apartment and watching people die daily and others not taking COVID seriously really took a toll on my mental health. It's so exciting to see everyone getting vaccinated and to watch the city slowly come back to life again. It feels like we are so close to the finish line. I cannot wait to hug people again, my patients included."
2. "The emotions that overcame me were quite surprising. I think we have all tried to be so strong while also trying so hard to stay healthy. I have fallen to my knees countless times praying for all those affected — physically, emotionally, financially — from day one. We are so many days out now and so much in this world has changed. But finally, all the change is headed in one direction, in the right one. We all remain unchanged after this. And we will all come out better and stronger. Still praying for all those we have lost and for all those who have experienced such loss. The lady in line in front of me hugged the person who administered the vaccine. I felt the very same way and wanted to, but was still reluctant to hug anyone. It's a great feeling knowing I can finally hug others. Life is too short not to..."
3. "Like many in 2020, I was praying for a hopeful situation to fight COVID. As the possibility of having a vaccine ready in the same year was increasing, I admittedly was one of the naysayers about getting it when it would be made available.
Call it culture caution knowing Blacks and other POC haven't had the best historical experience when it comes to new medical practices and having things injected into our bodies. But after doing some research and hearing from friends who are doctors, I felt more at ease to get vaccinated.
Though I had been uncertain, I have a precondition and have been lucky enough to not get COVID, but knew I needed to ensure my best health. So I finally decided that I would get vaccinated and I'm proud to say that I'm one shot in with one more to go.
I surprisingly got emotional and teared up after my first dose because I felt that my small act for myself, is also for the greater safety of everyone else and I'd be on the road to connect with friends, family and my godfather who I haven't seen in over a year. Shot number two is on deck for Friday and I'm very much ready!"
4. "In 2020, my husband and I planned to have a baby but once COVID hit, we decided to put that on hold. When we both got out first dose of the vaccine last week, I got emotional because I've been missing my parents a lot but also because this means we can resume family planning with a bit more confidence knowing that we have a layer of protection. Once we are both vaccinated, we are going to start trying again!"
5. "I work in marketing/communications for a hospital. We held a media event when the first shots were given to frontline healthcare workers back in December. I got to witness the first wave of doctors and other care team members who had spent the last several months caring for those in our COVID-19 units. It was humbling, inspiring and uplifting. After watching dozens of doctors line up to receive their shots, I had no doubt in my mind that I would accept the first opportunity to receive a vaccine."
6. "I'm not yet eligible in California. But the other week, my boyfriend got an email at 12:55 about a pop-up clinic run by the county one town over doing walk ups with extra shots. I had just finished a 30 minute spin bike ride, dripping sweat and gross. Ran out the door and got to the site by 1:23pm. We waited in line for two hours not knowing how many shots they had if we'd get one. We both did. I started crying in the parking lot from relief. Seeing family in three weeks for the first time in almost two years."
7. "We flew to Oklahoma (where both my husband and I are from) because my husband is Cherokee and the Cherokee Nation had vaccine availability very early on. We got vaccinated on March 18th and shortly after, they opened up availability to all Oklahomans. I felt really emotional for many reasons, mostly because we have actually stayed home this entire time. But there was also a layer of history that made me feel emotional, grateful and a little guilty. I, a white woman, was vaccinated by a group of people who had every right to withhold their resources or charge for shots and they didn't. It was a really beautiful thing."
8. "I got mine last week at the same hospital, my father-in-law passed away at last year due to COVID. It was almost a year to the date of his death. He got sick in the very beginning of the pandemic and it was so unexpected because we didn't know anything about the virus. It was something positive to think about a year after his death, that in that time a vaccine that could keep us safe was developed and we got to get it. So, so grateful for the vaccine."
9. "I was actually able to get my first shop in January and second in early February. My boyfriend is a teacher and made his appointment at the Javits Center as soon as he was eligible. At the suggestion of a friend, I went to his appointment with him and asked if there was any way I could get one too and they said yes! At first, I didn't tell anyone because I felt like I cheated or somehow took a shot away from others. But after talking to some friends in healthcare, they all reassured me that the goal is to get as many people vaccinated as possible and I didn't need to worry. So I've come around now to just feeling very grateful that I had that opportunity a couple of months ago. I feel fortunate that I haven't had to deal with the stress of finding an appointment and proud of the scientists that made it happen. I didn't think I'd be vaccinated until end of summer at the earliest so I'm feeling all the hope and joy that 30% of New Yorkers have had their first shot and that we'll be back to some semblance of normal perhaps sooner than originally expected."
10. "I received my first vaccination in Chicago at Northwestern Hospital. As a pregnant woman with asthma, I have been extremely nervous about the last year. As I was high risk before and now even at a higher risk with my baby. I was having a difficult time deciding if this was the right choice to get vaccinated while pregnant. I've received lots of unsolicited advice, but after my own research and consulting with my doctors, I'm happy I moved forward with my decision. As I sat down to receive my first vaccine, the nurse asked me how I felt to which I replied, "Excited, but nervous because I'm pregnant!" She said she was pregnant and already had both shots. I completely felt my body relax and knew I was making the right choice for me and my family."
11. "Mostly, I was very excited to get the vaccine. As I arrived at the site, I got a bit more nervous. —the only reason being I was hoping I wouldn't have adverse reaction [...] My most memorable moment with the staff was probably when I was talking to the practitioner administering the shot. She asked which arm I preferred and in turn, I asked her which was more popular, if any. She suggested my non-dominant arm because soreness at the injection site is one of the most common side effects. [...] Ever since things shut down, I haven't been able to see my grandmother. Speaking through the phone and email is great, she isn't super into social media and even refuses to get a Facebook but nothing beats giving her a hug and telling her I love her. I can't wait to be fully vaccinated so I can do that again."
12. "I've been struggling with agoraphobia and OCD during this pandemic to the point where it was hard to leave my house. It's a tough position to know you're being mentally "irrational" being afraid to leave the house while simultaneously told to stay at home. This illness got me a vaccine recommendation, outside at a hospital full of people. Two masks, a face shield, gloves and a panic attack later where I was in line at a mass vaccine site waiting in tears, freaked out to be around more people than I had in a year. As soon as the needle was in my arm, it was relief. I literally pictured the sirens that had been on loop in my mind, turning off. Overwhelming gratitude doesn't even begin to describe it."
13. "My grandfather received a life-saving kidney transplant in 2017 and COVID was especially scary for him because of how immunocompromised from he was. My husband is also immunocompromised from his medication for Crohn's disease. We didn't get to see my grandparents at all really in 2020 because of COVID — they live on the other side of the country and were really hunkered down. Well, we had to fly out last month because my grandfather ended up contracting COVID from a home healthcare worker and he ended up passing away. Not even two weeks later, my husband had his first vaccine appointment. I cried so much on the drive because it meant I'd never again have to worry about losing him to COVID the way I lost my grandfather. I prayed every day for this kind of safety and I ended up getting my own first shot on Monday. Every single day I wake up and say something to my grandpa in my head, just a little, "I love you" to fight the survivor's guilt. I am incredibly thankful to be alive and that my husband is safe. This pandemic has finally taken something truly meaningful from me (whatever about social plans or unemployment — I care about our lives more) and losing my grandfather has been the worst thing to ever happen to me. I am so thankful to modern medicine that I will never, ever have to experience that kind of pain of watching him or anyone else I know die of COVID ever again."
14. "I work for a vaccine site, so I see a lot of emotional responses and general faith in humanity kind of thing. Specially during the first few weeks and months, when it was only for seniors and those with underlying conditions. Every day we went to the site, we were thanked for everything we do, you could see people really getting teary eyed while waiting during observation. There was a sense of community and family, too. The craziest and most proof that people want the vaccine and are happy to get it was during one of the snowstorms and icy conditions the next day...we didn't close but we expected a lot of people to cancel. Turns out, out of the 2,000 scheduled, about 1,700 still came! I kind of have mixed feelings about that though because I feel like that also shows desperation. It's been a roller coaster for so many of our county's seniors. I'm a social worker, that's why I work for the vaccine site and the work is not done for making the vaccines more accessible to the most vulnerable people."
15. "My 16 year old, who made her own decision to be vaccinated, had her first dose of Pfizer the other day. I felt such joyful, expansive tears in my heart. Such awe in and gratitude for the scientists, doctors, nurses, volunteers and politicians who made it possible in such a relatively short period of time. I definitely felt the awesome weight of participating in a significant moment in human history. I felt so proud of my "maturing before my eyes" 16 year-old daughter. I felt such warmth and gratitude for the woman who gave my daughter her shot, how clearly and completely she explained the possible side effects and what to do if she experienced them. She was so calm and kind. It was a completely joy-filled experience."
16. "The day I got my first dose felt miraculous. I couldn't believe my family and I had gotten through this — though separately — unscathed. After all of our sacrifice and quiet moments, it felt like a gift and a reward to receive the vaccine. "It's a miracle!" I would shout to everyone; the receptionist, my colleagues and the doctor administering the dose. The feeling I feel now that my loved ones are fully vaccinated is indescribable. I am so grateful to our essential workers, the scientists and those who, like us, sacrificed so much to bring us to this opportunity."
17. "I had an appointment for 11:15pm on a Saturday when the Javits Center was doing Johnson & Johnson overnight. It was the most exciting Saturday night I'd had in a year! I was in sweats but changed into *real pants* and picked a top with easy arm access, washed my hair and put on makeup so the vaccination site staff would see me at my best. I cried more when I made the appointment, but teared up on the way there thinking of how this moment was a culmination of so much hard work by our healthcare and science heroes."
18. "Like a ton of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. Also, felt like a celebrity who just won an award. The nurses/workers at the Long Island City vaccine center were all smiles and some even congratulated me as I exited the site. Overall, grateful."
19. "I've been taking care of my 92 year-old grandmother over the past year while working a full time job. Trying to explain to her what is happening and why we must do certain things but can't do others is a relationship with her I never thought I'd have. It also made me extra careful because I didn't want to get her sick, so I gave up a lot of time with friends (safely), exercising, any sort of personal time because she needed to go for drives. We're both vaccinated and I teared up getting my shot because for the first time, it felt like there would be hope."
20. "I've been struggling career-wise since I graduated college and had absolutely no passion for my job and was (still am) almost every day at work. Having a degree in biology, I've always considered going back to school to be a nurse but never acted on it because it would take too long. After another soul crushing week at work, I got my first vaccine on Friday afternoon and the vibes in the room were so uplifting I could've cried from happiness. The nurse that gave me my vaccine was the same age as me and was incredibly kind and excited to give me my shot. I knew in that moment I had to do what she was doing, not in a lab (I work in pharma) but in real life, helping people. A few weeks ago, when I got my second shot, it was given by the same nurse and I told her how much she inspired me and she started to tear up and I did, too. We've all been through so much the past year and I finally can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I enrolled in summer school for pre-requisites!"
"It's a great feeling knowing I can finally hug others. Life is too short not to..."
21. "I was able to make appointments for my parents, a few of their coworkers, then eventually my partner and myself! We were lucky enough to have appointments within 15 minutes of each other so we got to the wait together before and after. As we start there in the CVS after our first shot, I swear I could've cried. We just stared at each other in disbelief and pure joy. It really was a life changing moment. There's so much hope now that I have it! Also, I get my second shot tomorrow, a day before my birthday! Best present ever."
22. "I live in Poland where the pandemic hit hard. On top of that, I was pregnant and went to the hospital to give birth during the "hardest" lockdown in my country. So when I heart that they were going to vaccinate teachers (yep, my profession) I was thrilled. However, only working ones and I was on maternity leave...Fortunately, they have changed it and I could take Astrazeneca, maybe not my choice of vaccine but still better than nothing. Currently, I'm 9 weeks after the first shot and it's OK. Waiting for the second dose."
23. "My vaccine experience was pretty boring honestly. I waited in the Walgreens line, got the shot and left. I didn't have side effects outside of a sore arm for a day which I'm grateful for but I was definitely expecting to burst into tears and just...didn't. I think it'll hit me at another time but right now, I almost feel too close for comfort, like someone's going to pull the rug out from under me. Like it's not quite real yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful and know how lucky I am, but it's more of a quiet appreciation than a big, dramatic feeling."
24. "I volunteer at a local rural vaccination center in the UK and the overwhelming majority feel the same way you and others do — amazement at the efficiency and simplicity of the process, gratitude for being called up to receive theirs and hope for the future. At our center, patients are vaccinated in groups and that makes it feel even more of a shared experience with everyone moving forward together. I feel fortunate to be able to help people take a step closer to their future and to be in a position to contribute towards making sure as many people as possible come out of this alive and healthy."
25. "I'm a city employee (not in healthcare). I did multiple shifts at a city-run vaccination site downtown and got my first shot at the end of my first shift. It was incredibly emotion and rewarding to be vaccinated and also to play a small role in helping a few thousand people get theirs!"
26. "It hit me near the midtown tunnel on my drive home. I saw the NYC skyline and cried."
27. "Drove two hours for the first one. Did it for my mom who didn't make it to see 2021."
28. "It was so surreal!I had to drive 65 miles round trip and I got it in my car. (I live in Georgia.)"
29. "I showed up bra-less and with a thankful heart! I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel."
30. "I'm a teacher and when I got my first one, the pharmacist said it had been a fun day because all day she'd only given shots to teachers and everyone was so happy. She celebrated with each of us!"
31. "I screamed to the doctor, "THIS IS A MIRACLE!" and I cried."
32. "As soon as I received the final shot, I started tearing up. I knew the sacrifices, the stress, the death of others and the sorrow in their families. But I didn't realize how much I was grinning until the last shot was done. Over a year of bated breath — an exhale of emotional release."
33. "I teared up when I was waiting in line and then during my 15 minutes waiting time. Hope!"
34. "I didn't want to do it until I decided to fly to visit my sister in the United States so I had do."
35. "It was the best, most reassuring feeling. It felt like progress and one step closer to normalcy."
36. "Shock and giddiness that I finally actually got one!"
37. "A kind volunteer saw that I was pregnant and let me skip the line at my second appointment."
38. "Relieved I will have some freedom during maternity leave since I had zero while I was pregnant."
39. "Surreal, happy, but also kept waiting for the orchestral score or a sunbeam to shine through."
40. "I felt so lucky and grateful in that moment, to make any contribution towards ending this awful pandemic. So many people cannot yet access the vaccine and we are so lucky in America to be able to get it now. I only wish everyone who was eligible would get the shot!"
41. "As a teacher, I felt relief, happiness and a bit of moral superiority."
42. "I cried on the Uber ride to get my first shot. Looking out the window and silently reflecting on everything I'd (we'd) been through this past year. A culmination of everything an overwhelming sense of gratitude and hope! Also, teared up after the nurse was done and put the bandage on. We made eye contact and shared a moment — it felt like a shared victory. So thankful for the work of so many who carried us on their backs through this thing."
43. "At Moscone Center in San Francisco, volunteers were smiling and happy. At the exits, they played pop music and people were dancing and giving socially distanced high fives and elbow hellos. And they said "Congratulations on your vaccination" or "It's a big day." and it felt like a big, happy day indeed. It was a very emotional and inspiring experience (made me want to volunteer but alas, everyone had the same idea and there were no volunteer slots available)."
"Drove two hours for the first one. Did it for my mom who didn't make it to see 2021."
44. "I did not expect to get emotional because I was more excited than anything, but as I was walking up to the Javits Center this morning, I started tearing up. And then when I saw the signs they're scheduled to vaccinate some 9,300 New Yorkers that day, it got me again. I knew returning to NYC was the right thing to do, mainly because I missed it like crazy the last five months, but also because I knew how well they were going to handle the vaccine rollout and today moved like clockwork. In and out in 30 minutes (because of the observation period). I know we will have a long way to go but it feels like there's actually a light at the end of the tunnel now."
45. "I was living in Atlanta and moving to NYC in two days. Alabama opened up eligibility to lawyers and did not have any residency requirements so I found an appointment at a CVS in a very random small town about two hours away for the next day. The nurse and three other people in line were also from Atlanta. I (luckily!) was able to make an appointment for my second dose in NYC at a CVS in Times Square (of all places). It was very surreal. I felt utter excitement getting my first dose but the second felt much more solemn...an eerily quiet Times Square outside but I was surrounded by New Yorkers that lived through an unimaginable year. When the nurse put the bandaid on with a cheerful "Congratulations!" I started to cry. I felt joy, relief, sadness over everyone that didn't make it to this point and such an overwhelming sense of gratitude."
46. "My aunt who heads the general physician department at a state hospital in the suburbs of Chicago worked four weeks straight at one point last year. She finally had a long weekend and the doctor in charge that weekend was diagnosed with COVID and my aunt aunt went back into work for another weekend. Two days off at a stretch was vacation to her. In December, when she got her first shot, I was so relieved for her and her family. Last Tuesday, when I got my first shot, I was excited but so relieved that health care workers have one less person (two including my husband) to worry about. I called my aunt saying I'll visit her this summer and she was so excited, I could hear it her in voice. I can't wait to see this incredible woman."
47. "My parents and I got our vaccines on my dad's birthday — a year later from the day we had our last family celebration together indoors before everything went wrong. I remember we all felt so unsure about things and were trying to get my sister and cousin flights home from London where they were studying. I couldn't believe that exactly a year later we would be getting the vaccine and I definitely didn't realize how much immediate relief it would provide. My parents got their shots before me and as I drove to the clinic, I cried in relief. The past year has been filled with anxiety, especially because I live with my parents right now and never wanted them to get sick, so to know they were safe and protected was the most amazing gift. I am so grateful for everyone who made the vaccines possible and I hope that we can all start living fuller lives again soon!"
48. "I got my vaccination at Javits Center I told the nurse I was nervous and that I get queasy from blood/needles. The doctor came over and suggested laying me down for the shot instead. They changed the conversation while I was getting the shot and were so kind. I lay there for about 10 minutes and the nurse walked me out with a bottle of water and a sticker in my hand! The military was intimidating but the nurses were so kind of another level."
49."I was so grateful to everyone, thanking all the volunteers individually. They were so happy for the gratitude! It was beyond efficient too as everything in Hong Kong is. The gal who gave me my shot complimented me on my perfume and looked it up then and there. Her name is Painsy. I hope I get her again on Monday. She can't get the vaccine because of allergies."
50. "Since January, I've been working a few days a week at several of the NYC-run vaccination sites. My most memorable experience was in the beginning of January when the vaccine was first made available to people 75+. Family after family would carefully and slowly walk their elderly matriarch, patriarch, great aunts and uncles, parents and other loved ones — sometimes with a cane, sometimes locked arm in arm to their vaccine table. Though each family was different, the feeling they emanated after the vaccine was administered was the same — like a thousand pounds of weight was lifted off of each family members shoulders. Their precious and vulnerable loved one was finally protected. We would see hundreds of families in a day and it made the vaccination room (a converted middle school cafeteria) feel overwhelmingly electric with a sense of relief and hope."
51. "I got vaccinated today! It was exciting and I was a little nervous, not about getting it but more about the potential side effects. It was quick, very organized and I definitely was grateful. I also made sure to thank each staff member I came in contact with. And when I sat with my administering nurse, I learned that her name was also Sandy! We chatted about how rate it is to meet other Sandys and before I knew it, I was done."
52. "One memorable moment was that this stab actually bled; the first dose didn't. It was unexpected for both me and the pharmacist who administered the vaccine so we both sort of made the same shocked expression!"
53. "I received an appointment for the Moderna shot in a town about 15 minutes from where I live. I was over the moon while also being nervous — of needles, potential side effects and a feeling of "what if this doesn't work and we continue living this way?" The minute I found out I was getting a Moderna shot (or the Dolly shot), I burst into tears of joy and optimism but also so much gratitude! For those scientists who got us to this point. Those who funded it to this point. The nurses and the staff hosting the vaccine clinics.
For my second dose, I wore sequins. I mean, it only felt appropriate as a tribute to Dolly and a tribute to the hope of a new day ahead. I've never felt more appreciative of modern medicine or universal health care than I did while receiving my second shot."
54. "My vaccine experience was uneventful — Pfizer at JAVax Center — minimum side effects. What was special about the experience were the National Guard personnel stationed there. I thanked each one for their service — they were kind, efficient and thoughtful. I was told there were no stickers left when asked for one. As I was about to leave a young woman — Sargent Giles — came up to me: she had located a sticker since I seemed so disappointed and handed it to me. A small but signifiant act of kindness, which somehow represented "we're all in this together."
I'm not an overly fussy person when it comes to birthdays. In fact, perhaps it's the Pisces in me, but a big celebration in my honor stresses me out just to think about — let alone, plan. Which is why I'll always tend to favor small and intimate gatherings — the unavoidable theme of this past year perhaps for us all, whether we liked it or not.
A few weeks ago, on a cold February Friday, I turned 35. It was a quiet day of heads down work and creative tasks for campaigns I had in flight, followed by dinner and a movie at home with my two favorite guys. It snowed for most of the day, which was the perfect extra excuse I needed to sit at my window as dusk settled, waiting for the glow of the apartment windows around us to pepper the palpably cold darkness outside.
You see, birthdays always bring a heavy dose of introspection for me. That might sound overly despondent, and perhaps it is, but I don't mind it much. The truth is — the further I move along into my 30s, the more comfortable I feel actually sitting with things, reflecting on them, understanding what it is about them that makes me happy and similarly, what it is about them that makes me sad. And this past year, this past trip around the sun? There was plenty to be thankful for, to celebrate, to cherish, to learn from, and yes, there was plenty to mourn as well — each one no more valuable than the other, each one deserving of headspace, especially as I closed out yet another proverbial chapter, in preparation for the next.
In the past, I might have written a pithy collection of 35 things I've learned in 35 years but I have a feeling that's been done many times before. So instead, I'd rather leave you with one particular truth I've come to underscore time and time again and that's a certain Maya Angelou quote that I think applies so beautifully to practically everything: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
As for these photos? Well, let's just say, while I may turn down a big fancy, soirée in my honor, that doesn't mean I'll skip out on dressing up for any and all other occasions, formal or not.
"We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were." ~ Joan Didion
I've been thinking about this Joan Didion quote a lot lately. Particularly in regards to this past year. A year that many of us, I'm sure, would resoundingly say, we will likely never forget. A year that brought deafening silence to our streets. A year that left so much pain and devastation and loss in its wake. A year that, despite our best efforts to stay connected, left us feeling more and more alone by the day. Sometimes by the minute. A year seared into our memories — our lives turned upside down seemingly overnight. To forget it at this point, seems almost impossible. Unthinkable perhaps.
And yet, that's the thing about hard memories, isn't it? They're the first thing you try to block out. To run away from. To avoid. At this stage, I'm not sure where we'll net out when we all reflect back on the year 2020, especially as it becomes a more distant, bad nightmare in the years to come. As someone who is incredibly thankful for the fact she emerged relatively unscathed (for the most part) from the pandemic, with the health of her close friends and family in good standing, it's been a year that's made me vow to myself over and over again the same realization: "I can't ever forget how fortunate I am."
But the same creeping fear returns to whisper back, "You will forget." Maybe that's self-preservation talking. Perhaps it's just lazy convenience. Or maybe it's faulty nerve connections in our brains — age taking its toll as it inevitably does one way or another.
Whatever the reason, everything that follows past this point is a means of reminding myself (and perhaps some of you) for an idle Tuesday down the road, let's say in 2052. A recording of my chapter in New York City at the brink of the strangest year where I witnessed, first hand, the world almost instantly, stop spinning.
March of 2020 for me started off on a hectic note. Fashion week had concluded just a few weeks prior and I had two back to back work trips almost immediately afterward — the first to St. Lucia and the second was a press tour around California. It was a blur of flights, rental cars, taxis and Ubers, early call times and late night dinners, waiting in TSA lines, lugging around overly packed luggage and trying to document it all the while. I vividly remember feeling exhausted in a visceral way, vowing to myself, "I need to take a break from traveling for awhile" not realizing just how ironic that statement would feel over the coming weeks.
Of course, COVID was a very real news story at this point developing around the world, but the murmurings of it potentially locking down the United States didn't feel concrete enough to worry about. Surely, that wouldn't happen here. That couldn't happen here, could it? It wasn't until we were sitting at LAX on March 8, waiting for our final red eye flight home to JFK that it hit me just how deserted the airport was. No crowds. No long check in lines. TSA was a breeze. We sat in the lounge area for Delta, sipping coffee and reviewing headlines. Our flight was eerily empty. Even the crew carried themselves in a way that felt like they knew something we didn't. Something palpable felt looming in the air. I closed my eyes at takeoff and reminded myself, "You'll be home soon."
That week back in New York felt oddly calm at first, now that I think about it. I fell back into work, prepping for projects, editing photos for brand review, riding a packed subway around the city for meetings. Life was still beating along as it always does, as it always had. I was scheduled to host a brand event here in the city on March 12, a little soirée uptown on Madison Avenue. In a flurry of text messages, I was reminding my friends of the details for the event, letting them know how much I was looking forward to seeing them. We joked back and forth about picking up extra toilet paper and hand sanitizer, not truly seeing the tsunami wave that was about to hit us all.
On Wednesday March 11th a day before my event, the NBA announced their cancellation of the 2020 season until further notice. Around that time, NYC had over 700 confirmed cases of COVID, rising each day and schools were slated to close, with NYC restaurants, bars and businesses to follow soon after. I distinctly remember sitting in Fairfax, one of my favorite restaurants in the village where I often work, texting my manager, "We need to cancel tomorrow's event, right?"
Looking up and around at the restaurant I was working from, I started to wonder, "Should I even be here? Is this safe? How can I tell if I'm actually 6 feet from the patrons next to me?" If I'm being completely honest, had I known that would have been my last time in a restaurant for many, many months, I think I'd relish it a bit more. Perhaps order that indulgent burger on the menu as opposed to the salad. Maybe ask for that cocktail, instead of the green tea. I suppose a part of me still believed, as I'm sure we all did in those initial weeks, this will pass. Give it some time and things will be back to normal soon.
I sent out a mass text to everyone I had invited to my party, letting them know the event was canceled and that I wanted them all to stay safe and stay at home. The tone was very much "This is crazy but I'll see you soon."
I packed up my laptop, settled my bill with the waiter and walked home. It was an usually warm March day and I had a craving to sit out on my fire escape. So I did, blissfully unaware that same fire escape would largely become my window to the world for the better part of the next 365 days to follow. That night, my boyfriend and I placed an online grocery delivery order, somewhat encouraged by the idea of trying to cook more at home — a goal we typically failed at thanks to Seamless — and settled in for the night. Two homebodies not necessarily upset at the prospect of a now very clear social calendar.
Of course, the weeks, and subsequent months that followed were unlike anything this homebody anticipated. How could I? How could any of us? Those initial weeks in March and April were hardest for me. I'd wake up each day, tune in for Gov. Cuomo's daily Coronavirus briefings and try to make some sense of our new reality. The numbers were staggering. PPE was scarce. Hospital beds were limited. And here I was, living in the U.S. epicenter of it all. Miles away from my family. Scared to go outside. Or be near anyone. With work contracts indefinitely pushed back, some altogether canceled, I wasn't sure how my business would ultimately fare through this storm.
Outside, the city hibernated, streets and avenues where life usually bustled, now lay dormant, except for the constant echoing of an ambulance siren piercing the March sky. I know I'm not alone when I say it was a living nightmare. None of us knew what each day would bring, in big and small ways. And that anxiety was downright crippling at times.
To cope, I threw myself into creative outlets — photography, writing, editing — but when the weight of the world forces you into a bubble of your own making, it's only a matter of time before those outlets don't fuel you in the same way they used to. But then again, what option did we have? The stakes were too high. So we persisted on.
I'd like to pause here and remind my future self in 2052, that 2020 held a lot of promise, as well. Some silver linings that showed us our true strength, our connections, our resilience. Some unexpected outcomes of solidarity and commitment. Some big and small blessings and yes, some hard, long overdue reckonings that showed us just how broken and fractured our society really is. In a lot of ways, 2020 opened our eyes and hearts to insidious social injustices that had been persisting for far too long. I can't definitively say 2020 was the catalyst, but I do think it played a pivotal role in helping us truly see and recognize our own humanities and those of others.
I never want to forget that. Moreover, we can't forget that.
I titled this post "memories of your last normal day" for a reason — not so much for us to yearn for a time before this all happened, but more so as a reminder as to what's at stake if we forget about the 365 days that followed that last normal day. In order for us to return to some semblance of life as knew it, we have to honor the price we paid over the course of 2020. And my friends, that price was high. Extremely high.
"We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were."
Perhaps Didion is right. She often is. Perhaps to forget is just a part of human nature. And maybe that's the inevitable thing we have to fight here, with every ounce of our being. We have to remind ourselves of who and what we used to be, what we went through, what we overcame, whether we liked it or not, or we're predestined, doomed even, to wrestle with it at 4am maybe in the year 2052, when our mind goes wandering.
So in the spirit of remembering, here's a sampling of your last "normal day" memories that you shared with me on Instagram. May their recounting be a harbinger for brighter days ahead. For brighter days for us all.
I went to the pub. We hung out all afternoon in the sun.
I went to a department store that was closing that day to buy things for my daughter's 21st birthday in June! I never thought we'd still be in lockdown then three months later.
I was in Cozumel, checking the news before snorkeling and realized we would return to a lockdown.
We had a family game night.
I ate tacos while overlooking the city with my best friend of 25 years. It was damn near perfect.
I saw my five day old niece and then didn't see her for three months even though I only lived 5 miles away.
Unfortunately, I can't remember.
I went out with friends in the Mission (in San Francisco) thinking we'd see each other in two weeks.
I went to dinner with a girlfriend at Hillstone (in NYC) because we joked it might be our last meal out.
It was actually my birthday! I went out for a dinner at a crowded restaurant with family.
Peeking through my curtains to see if there was a free seat at my favorite spot across the street.
I remember standing on the train platform and thinking how gorgeous the weather was!
I went out with a friend for some sushi at a Japanese food center in London and then for a glass of wine.
Family style dinner with 8 girlfriends sharing dishes and drinks and laughs.
My daily 200 mile commute for work, 100 miles each way.
My husband and I used to go to the movies a lot, our last one was March 10th. We saw Emma.
Celebrated my birthday and met strangers while out dancing at a crowded bar.
A packed Trader Joe's with my mom, mask-less. Received an email recommending we work from home.
I went on a date for the first time in two years -- we then virtually dated all quarantine.
Happy hour with coworkers and a venue tour for my 12/21 wedding. I thought I was planning ahead.
Spent hours wandering through the National Art Gallery in DC.
I was at school. The last day with the kids.
I remember my students being very excited that school was going to be canceled. How naive we were.
I saw Yo-Yo Ma at Carnegie Hall.
Now tell me, what memories do you have of your last "normal" day?
It's a conscious and deliberate decision to wake up each day and seize the beautiful. To sing the beautiful. To craft the beautiful. To narrate, to shape, to mold, to speak truth to the beautiful. Not so much in expensive things or grand buildings or what your hair looks like on a given day, although those things are wonderful in their own right, but it's in the quiet in between moments, too. Perhaps even more so. The imperfect moments. The humbling moments. The no-one-is-looking-and-perhaps-no-one-is-noticing moments. The moments that don’t garner a social currency online. Seize those. And run with them. Run and don't look back, until your appetite for them becomes so second nature it's like breathing or reaching for your morning coffee or better yet, a Friday night glass of wine.
For the better part of the past 11 years or so of running This Time Tomorrow, I've always wanted this idea to be the forefront of my content, that being the pursuit of beauty. And certainly not in the conventional way we're trained to think of beauty. To me, beauty is so much more than how you put yourself together or how expensive your wardrobe totals out to be — and it's not a blessing only bestowed on the young and seemingly wrinkle-free. And I freely admit that as someone who has had to spend years retraining herself to see beauty through a different lens. Through a multi-faceted lens. Through a wider lens.
And that's what I hope to do for you here on This Time Tomorrow. To encourage you to see, to craft, to seek out the beautiful in your every day, no matter what it looks like. To appreciate a beautiful dress just as much as a beautiful, historic building. To appreciate the craftsmanship of an investment bag just as much as the craftsmanship of a captivating documentary, memoir or photograph. To appreciate the beautiful bodies we're all given as well the minds we have the privilege of cultivating. Both need attention and care and in my opinion, celebration.
Simply put — beauty is in the everyday details, if we just take the time to slow down, stop scrolling and truly notice.
I've felt pretty strongly the past few years that I want this site to be about far more than just a conversion rate. Personally, I don't want my "internet legacy" to depend solely on how much I encouraged you to buy at my recommendation. In fact, to be perfectly honest, I would much prefer I played a role in encouraging you to take that disposable income and invest it wisely — stocks, real estate, education instead. It'll serve you far better and far longer, I promise.
So when it came down to writing a succinct manifesto for this new chapter, this new look that you now see for This Time Tomorrow, I kept coming back to this notion of substance. These days, I feel empty if there isn't an emotional substance to what I'm consuming or creating and my sincere hope is that you feel nourished in some way after visiting my site. Whether that's through an outfit you'd like to emulate with items in your own closet, a beautiful location with an equally arresting story behind it, a trip that inspires a cultural curiosity in you or perhaps, it's in the storytelling itself — getting lost in the words and visuals. Whatever the reason, I hope there's something that grabs you here, shakes you gently by the shoulders and whispers, "Let's get lost in the details together."
With that — I just want to say, welcome (or welcome back) to This Time Tomorrow — the discerning soul's destination for all things style and substance. I'm so honored to have you here. I hope you stay a while.
4minute read4minute read An amalgamation of specific things -- ranging from the very big to the seemingly trivial details -- that I'm looking forward to once this pandemic ends.
2minute read2minute read I've always been a firm believer that you can tell a lot about someone by the books, the music and the art they keep in their home.
7minute read7minute read Answering a top requested reader question today: how to find those elusive designer pieces, without waltzing into Barney's all the time.
I'd like to start today's post with a disclaimer and a note for context.
First, the disclaimer. Today's post is a serious subject. One that may seem polarizing for many people. And one that I recognize isn't necessarily the reason why you come to this site in the first place. I'd like to underscore the fact that my intentions are never to alienate or isolate anyone for what they believe in -- and even if we disagree, I think there's plenty of opportunity in that disagreement to open up discussion and dialogue for change that we all can get behind.
Next, a note for context. Today is my 32nd birthday. And while I had every intention to post my originally scheduled content (a round up of 32 things I've learned thus far, which will be postponed to next Monday), last Wednesday's events in Florida have shaken me in a way that it no longer felt appropriate to NOT say anything on this platform of mine, with so many like-minded amazing women (and men) who I consider more as friends, than "followers."
Today, we're going to talk about gun violence.
I can already hear the "Stay in your lane" comments now. And I get that. I'm not an expert in public policy, nor do I completely understand the ins and outs of gun legislation and how it's influenced -- but you know what? I'd like to understand it more. And perhaps you do, too? And perhaps you don't -- either way, we'll be back to regular programming tomorrow, complete with outfit posts, hair tutorials and Fashion Week roundups. In the meantime, I sincerely hope you'll hear me out and discuss and even debate things with me.
OK, housekeeping items out of the way now? I hope so. Let's dive in.
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Like many of you perhaps, I remember exactly where I was when the Columbine shooting happened back in 1999. I was in the 8th grade at Pine Middle School, sitting in Ms. Dulgar's afternoon science class. Unlike 8th graders today, I didn't have a cell phone or any social media to speak of, so I imagine news broke the old fashioned way: word of mouth. I remember sitting there, ready to take notes about cell division, only to see Ms. Dulgar sitting at the front of our classroom, crying. We then turned our TV on to watch the coverage.
As a 13 year old student that day, I felt scared and confused, but also confident that surely, something so horrible, so heinous, so awful couldn't happen again. Right?
Now, as a 32 year old, still reeling from Florida's events (and Vegas and countless others), I just Googled the question of "how many school shootings have happened since Columbine." You want to know what number came up?
207. Now 208 with Parkland. 208.
Today's post isn't to paint what you can already see is a pretty grim picture. You don't need me to spell it for you. So I won't. But there was something I read over this weekend, while I was debating over whether or not to even write this post, that stuck with me, and eventually convinced me to. My dear friend Keiko posted the following sentiment:
"Imagine if influencers spent as much time talking about gun control as they have talked about the algorithm."
Ooph. She has a point. As someone who's dedicated entire posts to "influencing the algorithm in your favor," and has seen many of her peers do the same with their content and time, I can't help but see the whopping disparity here. If an influencer can convince you to go through the trouble of unfollowing, then following them again, then liking a bunch of their recent photos, then finally leaving a bunch of comments in hopes they'll "show up more in your feed" then surely we can talk about this. And debate this. Maybe even act on some of this together.
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At this point, I'd like to add a bit of further context. I firmly believe this isn't necessarily a political debate. This isn't about conservative vs. liberal values. As a reminder, I grew up in a very conservative state, in a relatively conservative town, with plenty of family members and friends who I love dearly, who are responsible gun owners that will happily educate themselves further into firearms and equipment using websites like Dailycaller.com and others. I feel this is something responsible gun owners wouldn't ever do, instead, they'd obtain their gun and leave it until they potentially "need" it. They knew how to use their gun safely and used the best reloading press to reduce the likelihood of an accident. They also store them somewhere secure and maintain them regularly by using cleaning kits (like those found on this website) to ensure it works as it should to avoid any surprises when it comes to firing one. Some people are extremely careless with their guns though. I think you can be a gun owner and still believe in stricter, more accountable legislation -- nothing about this has to be mutually exclusive.
Therein lies what I think damages this debate too often: that being it's framed as one or the other -- that stricter gun control some how equates to a tyrannical overthrow of the second amendment. And I simply refuse to see if that way. The best analogy, as I'm sure many of you have already read at this point, is comparing this to automobile accidents and fatalities since the 1970s. By studying the causes and factors for these accidents, a number of measures were taken, including mandatory airbags in cars, enforced seat belt laws, stricter sentencing for DUI infractions and implementation of consistent speed limits. Did they fix the problem entirely? No. But it reduced fatalities significantly. We didn't have to remove cars or ban people from driving them. We simply studied what was contributing to the problem and systematically came up with solutions.
Bottom line: We need more legislators, on both sides of the aisle mind you, that have the backbone to push past NRA and other lobbying groups agendas and financing, to see to it that we can study this problem and pragmatically come up with the steps necessary to CURB gun violence. Required and enforced background checks for ALL gun sales in ALL states would be a start. Some legislation has already been passed, such as banning gun sales on Facebook (more info), which demonstrates that small changes to the law can make gun purchasing a safer process.
I'll wrap up this very long, rambling essay now, with the one thing I really want for my birthday. It's not something from Net-A-Porter. And it's not a fancy dinner somewhere. It's for each of you, (whoever is still reading at this point), to talk about this issue. With your friends, with your family. Even if it's uncomfortable. Even if means you don't see eye to eye with everyone. And if you feel so inclined, to talk to your representatives. How? Well, I'm glad you asked. I've recently started following the group Moms Demand Action and Everytown (both great resources for gun violence stats), and they've outlined some easy steps to get involved and take action, including calling your representatives. Simply follow the steps outlined here -- it's easy and takes less than 5 minutes. They even give you a script to help put your thoughts into words.
Again, I hope I didn't make anyone feel singled out or targeted. I will always strive to make this a safe place for conversation and healthy debate -- and yes, while we don't often tackle these types of issues here on This Time Tomorrow, I like to think many of you, in addition to fashion and travel, are also hungry for ways to impact your community and push forward causes and ideas. As always, I'd love to hear from you -- let's chat in the comments below! Or feel free to send me an email.
I feel like this has been happening to me quite a bit lately, but this post started off much differently.
My original post (that's still sitting in my WordPress draft folder screaming 'publish me instead') was a much more straightforward and informational essay on the state of my financial health as a small business owner. Now, before you yawn and get ready to swipe through this article, my intentions were this: One of the most frequently asked questions I get, is around how I decided to finally take the plunge to quit Google and to work on This Time Tomorrow full time -- an answer that often gets condensed in conversation but in reality, there was a lot of number crunching, soul searching and, well, ugly spreadsheets.
Spreadsheets for tracking my overall growth. Spreadsheets for tracking projections. Spreadsheets for tracking my expenses to incomings. Spreadsheets for the spreadsheets! What was it all for? Financial peace of mind -- something that wasn't taught to me in any university class, but something that I spent a lot of time Googling and re-Googling, something that I listened to tons of Ted Talks about. In that original post, we were going to talk about financial peace of mind. How to get it. Why we (meaning millennials) seem to be lacking it. And why we don't ever really talk about it with our family and loved ones. We all make money in different ways, whether it's from our own companies, working for someone else, or even answering online surveys via Lifepoints but we rarely want to talk about our income with anyone which seems bizarre.
And to be clear, we're still going to talk about those things. But that's where this post takes a detour.
I'm currently writing this from a hospital back in my hometown of Reno, Nevada. It's 6:05 am PST on Tuesday and my mom is currently recovering from a hip replacement surgery from the day before. The past 48 hours have been a blur of last minute flights, pre-op appointments and the dreaded waiting room dance, where you can't decide if you get another cup of coffee or survey the food options in the caffeteria one more time, as if they've miraculously changed. It's been nerve wracking -- feeling both helpless and responsible at the same time -- for someone like a parent, who is normally the one taking care of you.
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To be clear, my mom is recovering quite well and is already walking around a bunch, with her doctor estimating she'll be up and ready in no time. Today's post isn't looking for sympathy about this experience (although I'd love to write something longer about it specifically as perhaps we can all relate to times when roles are reversed with parents?), but it did get me thinking a lot about statistics that I've read recently. Consider the following:
The majority of Americans are worried that they would be financially crippled by a major life event, but aren't actively preparing for it. Over half would not be able to come up with $400 for an emergency.
50% of Americans have more credit card debt than they do savings. Building credit is something that many people struggle with so if you need some help or advice on the matter, it may be worth learning how to establish credit, particularly if you live in the U.S.
Only 15% of the population is on track to fund even one year of retirement.
Money is, quite unsurprisingly, the number one source of stress, yet 70% of Americans find it rude to discuss money in public settings.
The first and last points get me here, especially as I find myself in the position that I'm in, dealing with a major life event. Thankfully, there aren't any hiccups to report -- the surgery, while still major, is practically routine at this point, her doctor has been amazing and it's thankfully all covered by insurance. I financially planned to take this trip, putting work and life on hold to a certain extent to help out as much as possible here back at home -- a reality that may not always be the case for someone who perhaps doesn't work independently/for themselves.
But what if any of the above weren't true? What if I hadn't put enough extra aside for this particular major life event? What if something complicates (God forbid) the recovery process? What if her insurance ultimately decides to file this differently than expected thereby covering less? They're all things we would inevitably take in stride, but it does make you stop and think: how well prepared am I?
Now, I'm not someone who likes to sit at home worrying about every little thing that could go wrong. After all, life is a series of things that happens when you're not looking, right? But it wasn't until I sat down to write this post in collaboration with Intuit (the makers of Mint and Turbo Tax) for their financial health app Turbo, that I realized, I don't know if I fully understand my financial state of the union, so to speak. Sure, I run my own business, and I like to think I'm doing all the "appropriate adult" things I should be doing for retirement, savings etc. but am I really?
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For the past few weeks leading up to heading back home, I've been taking a good, hard look at my financial situation, my spending to saving ratio, my overhead expenses (both business and personal) -- the whole works -- via the Turbo app, which brings together your IRS-verified income, credit score (you may find this article helpful when looking for your credit report) and debt-to-income ratio to produce a holistic picture of your financial standing. In the past, I've viewed many of these things separately in silos, so the ability to assess the lay of the land all in one place has been eye-opening. If you do see that you have outstanding debts but they were taken out many years ago, you may want to ask yourself "can a debt collector collect after 10 years?" this could potentially decrease your debt total expenditure for the future.
This year, one of my biggest personal goals is to better understand my true financial health, starting first with debunking this idea we shouldn't talk about money. I've found sometimes the things that give us the most anxiety or fear, tend to be the things we shy away from sharing with anyone -- making for feelings of isolation or embarrassment that we're doing something wrong. Perhaps its the effect of this hospital or the onset of my 30s talking here, but I find that to be a terrible waste of time. And perhaps you do, too?
So let's start that now. What are some of your financial goals -- big or small -- this year? And how are you working toward them?
This post was in collaboration with Turbo. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
Alright, ladies (and perhaps a handful of gentlemen?), the results are in from our very first reader survey here on This Time Tomorrow! The votes have been cast. The remarks have been noted. And I have lots of charts and graphs to show for it, that I wish I could muster together into a really cool, viral-worthy infographic for you. But, alas, in the interest of time (and my sanity), I figured I'd spare you all that. The important thing to focus on here is: WOW, this was incredibly insightful!
First things first, for everyone who took the time to fill out this online survey here (20 questions total) or the condensed, shortened version available in my Insta Stories (5 questions), I cannot begin to thank you enough. Seriously. I know this is a very oversatured market, so the fact you took time out of your day to do this for me, truly means the world. I'm so glad that you all have been paying so much attention to my Instagram page and my Instagram link in bio too! Furthermore, for everyone who filled out the open ended response questions, which I intentionally made optional as I didn't want to burden anyone with writing out their answers, even BIGGER props to you! Each note, comment, constructive criticism, paragraph, and in some cases, mini novel, while all completely anonymous, didn't go unnoticed or unappreciated or unfelt (in the best way possible!). It was humbling to know you cared enough to let me know what you really think! And yes, that means, the good, the bad and the ugly, as it pertains to both what I'm doing here specifically on This Time Tomorrow and your thoughts on the influencer space as a whole.
Secondly, I wanted to give a bit of context as to the catalyst behind this survey. While there were many things I valued about working at Google, I always really appreciated the transparency and the iterative nature of the company the most, from the products we were building to how teams were functioning. Each year, we'd fill out a multi-part survey (anonymously) weighing in on how we felt about a wide range of topics, including our immediate team productivity, group vision, manager relations, etc. and months later, the results would be aggregated, interpreted and shared, making for a really great, actionable roadmap for what was working, what wasn't and everything in between. I loved that it forced us to be critical of what we were doing, to celebrate with pats on the back when it seemed to be supported and to pivot when we really needed to.
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So here I am, hoping to do the same for This Time Tomorrow. Because if there's one thing that was very clear in the open ended feedback responses, you guys are craving more realness from the influencers you follow -- a fair request if you ask me as I often feel that way too, as an influencer myself. And I think the first step in that direction, is figuring out what I'm doing right and where I'm perhaps missing the mark.
With all that in mind, I'm cutting my mic off (because seriously, I'm rambling now), so we can get down on to the results! (Keep scrolling!)
About you!
Slice of the Pie: Between the Google Form survey here (2o questions) and the condensed Insta Stories polls (5 questions), we had well over 1,500 responses! Obviously, everything that follows is considered a population subset -- it's not truly reflective of the ENTIRE group but it's a good indicator. Think of it as a slice of the pie, so to speak.
Who are you?: Well, 80% of you are NOT content creators/bloggers/influencers/YouTubers yourselves. This surprised me, as a lot of you did seem to know a lot about the influencer space though, so perhaps some of you should look into the best way of becoming an influencer! TikTok is very popular at the moment, so it might be worth taking a look at tiktokpalace.com, but there are plenty of platforms that you could use to get started so take your time whilst finding the right one(s). I am glad such a high percentage of you were not content creators, as it is nice to hear from people who I may not otherwise hear from.
Personal style: When it comes to your personal style, I noticed there was a healthy majority of those in the Madewell + J.Crew, "girl next door camp" (44.7%) and those in the high and low mixing camp (47.9%), which I can admit, I haven't done the best job of staying true to in my personal style posts I've shared here in recent years (but more on that later!).
What draws you to blogs? As far as your main motivation behind following a given influencer, it quite unsurprisingly boiled down to style/beauty inspiration (52.7%), followed by a desire to feeling connected to like-minded women and men (17.6%) -- another area I'd like to iterate on, but more on that later!
Reading blogs: A thing of the past? When it comes to consuming content on blogs, many of you confessed to reading primarily at least a few times a week (38.3%), if not daily (42.6%), but when it comes to your favorite platform to follow said influencers on, the overwhelming majority of you said Instagram. While it's a bit conflicting, I can relate to this breakdown, as I spend way more time on Instagram following ALL the influencers on my radar, and spend a select amount of time on the few blogs I care to read on a daily basis (this is a huge shift for me, compared to when I started this site over 9 years ago, when I would read A TON of blogs every day on my blog roll (oh man, anyone remember those?!). This, of course, begs the question, what makes a blog worthy of that limited time you DO spend reading? More on that later...
Time of Day: There's almost an equal size grouping of my early birds (those who love checking blogs/social media early in the morning) coming in at 41.2% and my night owls coming in at 42.2%. I'm toying around with the idea of publishing twice a day several times a week, and kinda love the idea of night time programming to compliment the early morning sartorial inspiration dose. Thoughts?
Like To Know It: Not many of you ACTUALLY use Like To Know It (63.8%), which is practically music to my ears. Not that I have anything against the platform, it's just that since its launch, I think it's safe to say it's cut into a lot of bloggers' traffic, since the incentive to visit a site for further outfit information is practically removed. One of my biggest professional goals this year (as it is every year) is to increase my overall traffic and the stickiness of my site -- so when it comes to shopping my Instagrams, you can simply visit my Shop My Instagram page here.
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Let's talk about the elephant in the room: INSTAGRAM
iPhone or DSLR?: This question seems to get asked a TON in all the Insta Stories polls I've been seeing lately (for good reason) and the results came in as I expected. When asked to choose, most people prefer iPhone photos over high fidelity photos from a DSLR or equivalent camera (69.7% vs. 30.3%). By now, I've sure you've all heard plenty of anecdotal stories as to why iPhone photos perform better on Instagram -- including possible algorithm favoring -- but I think in general, it indicates a return to when Instagram first launched with more candid, raw, off the cuff sort of posting behavior (Eva Chen brought this up back in April when the introduced the first of several algorithm changes). While I don't necessarily see most content creators completely returning to that, I do think there's value in prioritizing this feedback to see how it resonates with you all. Of course, you can still expect high fidelity photos here, on the blog, which of course, may find their way over to Instagram from time to time, but in general, I'd like to try this for a good month to see how it goes.
Instagram posts or Insta Stories?: I'm actually really keen to ask this question in about 6 months to see how much it's changed (if at all). As of right now though, actual Instagram posts sneak by as the winner over Insta Stories (56.4% vs. 43.6%).
Live Videos or Insta Stories?: This was a landslide. Nearly 92% of you prefer Insta Stories over Live Videos, and I have to say, I agree. Very rarely do I get a notification for a live video and actually click through to watch in that moment. Most of the time, it boils down to the fact I'm busy and in the middle of something else so I can't necessarily "tune in" for that show.
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General thoughts on the influencer space
The Good: These questions were positioned as optional, open ended responses, so I'll be generalizing the overall sentiment here. When it comes to the type of content folks love seeing on blogs, it really boils down to one main underlying goal: being relatable. I think now, more than ever, you dear readers appreciate it when a blogger shows that they are more than a perfectly curated feed -- that they're real, they have flaws, they have hardships, they have quirks, and above all, they're human. To quote, (and don't worry, we'll have lots of quotes down below), one person wrote that they wished more bloggers would keep "being honest about their failures as well as their successes." You all had a bunch of thoughts that laddered back up into this umbrella idea: creating relatable outfits (at price points that didn't ONLY feature luxury items), being candid on Insta Stories, sharing actionable tips and tricks to fellow bloggers, creating thought provoking essays that perhaps go beyond an outfit and make people want to get to know you more.
The Bad: As far as the types of content you wish bloggers would leave BEHIND in 2o17? Well, here's a condensed list of themes/subjects that came up repeatedly and it goes something like this: loop giveaways (understandable), sponsored beauty content especially when it goes live the same day as a bunch of other bloggers' posts (fair point), unboxing videos on Insta Stories (makes sense), business of blogging posts (unless there's a unique value add), overt sponsorships that don't fit their brand and saying "Hi guys" at the beginning of videos (this one made me laugh and nod my head a tiny bit!).
The UGLY: Sale roundups. Hands down, the most requested thing to STOP recapping, resharing, rounding up and generally, just talking about in the blog world. And you know what? I gotta say I agree. As someone who has consistently blogged about the aforementioned sale that shall remain unnamed and can see and understand as to why it's a big revenue source for bloggers, I can also recognize when enough is enough and it sounds like you guys, dear readers, tend to tune out during this time anyway. Gift guides came in as a close second.
Finish this sentence..."When I decide to follow a blogger, it's important to me that they..." There were so many wonderful, thought-provoking answers to this one, but my favorite was: "When I decide to follow a blogger, it's important to me that they mirror some aspect of my life that I hold dear." I mean, after all, we're all looking to connect, right?
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This Time Tomorrow feedback
The top 4 requested content categories (in order of preference): Daily outfits, personal essays (about relationships, about hardships, about LIFE etc.), travel guides and a tie for 4th place between fitness/wellness and interviews with inspiring women (like my Woman Crush Wednesday series). Personally, I'm excited this question affirmed a lot of what I want to refocus on this year, that being more relatable outfit content and more personal writing.
When it comes to style of photography, the majority of you would prefer approachable content (more candid, on the street, heading to coffee/meetings/work moments) over aspirational (more editorialized, stylized moments), coming in at 85.1% vs. 14.9%. I have lots of thoughts on this -- and promises around it -- down below in the "But what does this all mean for 2018?" section.
As far as what you guys want me to KEEP doing, we have: long form personal essay writing, more video content, more photos without sunglasses on, travel photography and guides, more casual, every day outfits, fitness and marathon training, ELVIS BUTT WIGGLE STORIES! God guys, with all these essays you're requesting, I might have to get someone to write essays for me! Although I hear they're very helpful, I do love writing for you guys and I don't think I could pass that role onto someone else.
On the flip side, the most common things you guys think I should STOP doing are: too many editorialized shoots that end up being too aspirational, sale round ups and including too many photos in a post (fair enough!).
Letters to the editor
So many of you wrote thoughtful, detailed and actionable feedback (the trifecta!), that I wanted to share some of the highlights, praise and constructive criticism alike!
"The one thing I think you should STOP doing is over the top fashion posts. Again, LOVE your style and find it so so beautiful. But sometimes I really wonder where you are wearing these things. They're beautiful to photograph, but not as "inspirational" for someone who has a desk job and a morning commute. I still go back to your San Fran, Google blogger days to draw inspiration for my work and personal life."
"First of all, MAJOR congratulations on running the NYC Marathon -- it's a huge accomplishment and you should be so proud! That said, as someone who runs distance races and knows what it's like to run a marathon, I found your blogging about the process to miss the mark and I didn't think you gave a realistic picture of what is required to train for a marathon (or what to wear to do it!)."
"Less editorial type photos. They're beautiful but not as interesting as candid photos"
"Opening up about life, fashion, Elvis, NYC. You have a unique perspective on life, on moving across country, on relationships. The 'girl chat' mentality of blogging is really nice, especially with the increase of cultivated social media, its nice to connect with a blogger because you share similar interest and paths in life."
"The thoughtful essays. It's been a rough year and we have 3 more ahead, so keep on with the woman power."
"Writing! I love the way you write. I love that you can talk about fun and slightly more frivolous stuff like fashion and beauty but you also have such a unique voice and are very well written. I discovered your blog several years ago while still in college and your blog made me want to write."
But what does this all mean for 2018?
Of course, everything above is just great feedback until you put it to work -- and that's exactly what I want to do. So here's what I'm gearing up for, content wise in 2018 -- I'm pretty excited for all of it, and I hope you are, too!
More personal writing: If one thing is very clear to me now, it's that you guys are craving a more personal, one-on-one narrative here, to show that there's plenty more past the highlight reel of Instagram. I, like many of you, have thoughts, concerns, desires, fears, anxieties and problems like the rest of humanity. Will we get into all of it? Nah, there aren't enough hours in the day and I don't want to DRAG you down that much. But, I'm excited to open up with more personal posts -- the good and the bad -- in hopes it creates more of a sense of community around these parts. You guys brought up my previous dating posts here and here, my adult acne and self-image struggle posts here, my career posts here and even some of my politically charged posts here and here as favorites. The key here to remember is that it's quality over quantity -- I want to make sure I'm producing content that I'm proud of and that I think adds distinct value to your day.
More everyday outfit inspiration: My next biggest takeaway? Get back to my roots. While there's something I really enjoy about being able to style a shoot that's aspirational and editorial in nature, I can also recognize that it can be alienating if done too often. I think somewhere along the way, I really got hooked on flexing my stylist muscle that I failed to share more of my every day, running around the city/heading to work looks that brought a lot of you here in the first place. This coming year, I like to think we can find a really nice balance of the two, perhaps with a dedicated hub here on my site to house more of my "styling work" -- where I'd ideally love to style actual models for conceptualized shoots. I've always toyed with this idea with different photographers and I think now is the time to try it.
More fitness: As one reader pointed out above, my NYC Marathon training was a bit lacking, and she was, for the most part, correct. Due to a crazy travel schedule the months leading up to the marathon itself, I wasn't quite realistic with myself as to what was feasible, both from a physical training standpoint and from a content production standpoint. While I haven't officially signed up for the NYC Marathon again this year, I'm already planning on it and this time around, I'd love to create a more detailed series as to how I prep leading up to race day. Would you be interested in forming a virtual running club -- essentially we would keep each other accountable for mileage/work outs etc.?
More personal Insta Stories: OK, so I need to get over this weird phobia I have of just sitting there and talking to the camera -- most of the time, I just hate the sound of my voice and get oddly anxious over the 15 seconds cutting my sentences off at weird points that I end up refilming way more than its worth. That said, you guys want more candid, real peeks into every day life so I'll give it a go!
More video: As you guys know, this was a big focus for the second half of 2017 for me and while the learning curve is steep and I still really have no idea what I'm doing, I'm enjoying the challenge! From my set of current videos, I can tell you guys liked the chattier ones -- both the 73 Questions and my first haul video -- so I'm already planning on a more quippy Q&A series as well as styling tips and tricks videos.
Building up my newsletter: My newsletter was another big focus for the second half of 2017, and another one where the learning curve was (and still is!) steep, but I do think my newsletter is going to become an even bigger focus in 2018 as I start releasing longer format writing and hopefully more editorial styling with models.
And that's all I have from this year's 2018 survey -- did I miss or gloss over anything? Did you find this helpful at all? Please let me know in the comments below!
This past weekend, I watched the "Joan Didion: The Center Will Not Hold" documentary on Netflix. As someone who has loved Didion's work over the years, it was just the message I had been looking for lately. In it, Didion talks a lot about the feeling of writing at a young age when her mother gave her one of her first notebooks, encouraging her to write down her thoughts.
"I didn't really have any clear picture on how to do it, but I do remember having a very clear sense that I wanted this to continue."
Didion is known for a lot of things throughout her career, many of which are just the tip of the iceberg as to why I admire her and her work so much. Her take on literary journalism and the essay as a modern novel of sorts (especially in regards to numerous social forces of her time) are all a huge reason as to why I was drawn to journalism in the first place. And after watching her documentary -- it really got me thinking about why we write down and share thoughts at all.
If I'm being perfectly honest, there have been many moments since staring This Time Tomorrow where I've hit certain walls. Walls where I felt like I didn't have enough time to work on this space. Walls where I felt like I didn't have anything meaningful to add. Walls where I felt like what I added didn't make a difference. They're the worst walls to hit -- walls of self-doubt.
And usually, after a fair bit of reflection and some time spent doing the things I've listed below, I'm able to reconnect with what it is that I really love about doing what I do -- the thing that gives me a "very clear sense that I want it to continue."
Whether you work in a creative field like me (perhaps you're your own boss, as well?) or not, moments of self-doubt creep in for everyone, and after this most recent bout I've gone through, I figured I'd share a few of my tried and true ways I face creative ruts head on. Because, sometimes the biggest comfort (and catalyst for getting out of them) is to realize that you're not alone.
1. Remind yourself, you're not alone. This one is seemingly easy. But I assure you, a lot of the time, it isn't. Especially in an industry where there's a never ending stream of content -- great content, too -- it's that all too familiar feeling of thinking everyone else has their shit figured out, except for you. I'm extremely guilty of falling down this rabbit hole, to the point my anxiety can get the best of me, standing in the way of my own productivity. Suddenly, I can't seem to move forward with step one of project one, because I'm overwhelmed by the 19th step in project 5.
And then, I force myself to remember: for every beautifully curated feed, video, or post, there's someone behind it who feels just as vulnerable as you at times. Who doesn't know exactly what they're doing ALL the time. Who's just trying to make it LOOK like they have it together. The truth is, once you can accept everyone else is trying their best to make it look like they have it together, you can start to accept your own process of getting there, too.
2. Feed your brain, your heart, your soul, whatever needs FEEDING. This one means a lot of different things to me at different times, for different creative ruts, but the underlying point is always the same. I try to listen to what part of me is lacking, be it my creative writing, my photography, my voice, my vision, and I try to make a conscious effort to feed it. That means, instead of binge watching certain shows in my downtime (don't get me wrong, I love Riverdale, too!), I try to turn something on that adds a bit of substance while I work, like the Joan Didion documentary I watched last weekend.
Of course, the more I dive into the logistics of managing my own business, making time to read JUST FOR ME, is also hard to come by. Lately, I've been making more of a point to read poetry before bed. I find there's a lot of solace in being able to digest a poem or two before bed -- it requires less reacquainting than some of the novels that I'm also reading, but it actually also gives my imagination a lot to mull over before I fall asleep. I feel much more satiated because of it.
Sometimes, when the weather permits it, this means I also opt to just walk as much as possible. There's something about walking around New York that always manages to make me see things differently, be it the people I meet along the way, a building I hadn't noticed before or the way the sunset casts interesting shadows at a certain intersection. Does New York have to be your backdrop? Of course not. The point is to find the beauty already around you, no matter where you are.
3. Reflect. More often than not, the best way to move forward, is to (briefly) look back at how far you have come. Honestly. Give it a try. I used to be deathly afraid of quitting my full time marketing job. Then I did. Now that I'm past that hurdle, I have to remind myself I was capable of doing it in the first place, and there's no valid reason why I can't pass the next hurdle.
4. Don't be precious about it. This one is about perspective -- the easiest thing to lose when you get wrapped up in your own world and your own creative work. I find, the longer I concentrate and overthink something, the more I end up feeling directionless with it. Essentially, the more I want it to be perfect, the less perfect it becomes. Instead, I allow myself to get, well, messy with it. I take what might be a traditional approach to a project, and I try to turn it on its head. I'll give myself very random writing prompts (most of which don't make it on here, but perhaps they should?) just to allow my head the time to roam wildly for a minute. I also like to research ways to improve my writing. For example, just the other day a friend of mine showed me this guide to some different types of editing. Whether you are writing a novel, or a blog post, editing is fundamental. It's an incredibly freeing feeling to make something that you're not smothering along the way -- even if it comes out slightly strange or different or not what you normally see in an Instagram feed or perhaps it doesn't get shared at all -- the choice is yours! But make it. And let it be weird. And strange. And different. And odd. And I bet you'll probably have some fun along the way and come up with a whole slew of new ideas to try out for your next creative endeavor.
5. Find collaborators who are hungry like you! Nothing gets me invigorated to work and create like meeting other like-minded creatives! Seriously. It's quite possibly the best medicine I prescribe to you. Ask your literary agents to help you find some new talent if you can't find it on your own. They know your writing style and genres and could easily pair you up with someone who's just as creative as you. Whenever I'm feeling a bit drained or in need of a creative revival, I start digging around for new blood -- new brands to approach for styling editorials, new photographers I admire on Instagram who might be open to working together, new influencer friends who might be up for grabbing coffee and shooting together. You'll be surprised how far it propels you and makes you see things with a whole new light.
Have you ever looked up the word "lady" in the dictionary? Well, if you're like me, and haven't done so EVER, I've gone ahead and saved you the trouble: Click right here.
Go ahead. I'll wait.
Surprised? Yeah, me too. There are 12 definitions of the word "lady." And they range from extremely antiquated (like a 'female feudal superior') to unsurprisingly worthy of an eye roll or two (like 'a woman who is the object of chivalrous devotion'). For the sake of this argument, the first definition suffices here as it is the most commonly understood meaning of the word. It reads:
"A lady is a woman who is refined, polite and well-spoken."
Seemingly simple enough, right? I suppose so. Until we start diving into the semantics of the words "refined," "polite" and "well-spoken" especially in the context of how society associates them with women. I'll spare you all the exercise of looking up each of these words, but I imagine you can see where my point is going. We have a hard enough time pinpointing the word "lady" as it is -- so the waters get murkier when we throw in other words that carry a fair amount of subjectivity to them. Grace Kelly was refined. And so is Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Princess Diana was on all accounts polite. And yet, she politely gave the middle finger to the royal establishment by breaking it's stuffiness and making more contact with the public through her prolific charity work. Charlotte Bronte was certainly well-spoken. And so is Malala Yousafzai. The list goes on.
I think it's safe to say, in a society that, on many accounts is still struggling to even the playing field between the sexes (a subject for another post, for another day), we as women have been going through a drawn-out identity crisis, blurring and redefining the lines of what it means to be a woman, a lady and, heck, a human being in 2017. It hardly boils down to three adjectives. It boils down to far too many adjectives to list here in a single blog post.
And it's this very idea that Talbots has been tackling head on in their "Because I'm a Lady" campaign. When their team first approached me about working together on this, I was intrigued to see how they were positioning the word "lady," a word that amongst millennial and GenZ generations tends to get tossed around both positively and negatively. What I found was a refreshing take on grace, intelligence, humility, tact, poise, confidence and leadership -- all redefined, challenging traditional conventions, unapologetically and boldly. And it's a lady I think we can all identify with -- regardless of age and background. She prides herself in being assertive in the office. She dines alone, because she enjoys her own company. She laughs heartily with friends, unafraid of how she appears to others. She moves with grace, in a way that's unabashedly her own, dancing to the beat of her own god damn drummer (perhaps to the chagrin of her partner). Seriously, go watch their reel of campaign videos here, it will only take a few minutes.
I'll wait right here.
Naturally, when they asked me to choose an aspect of the campaign that spoke the most to me, I realized I actually couldn't choose -- and I don't think I need to. Just as we have 12 different definitions of the word lady (and likely more to be added in the coming years and generations), I think the beauty of being a lady is that it means a multitude of many different things to many different women. And WE, as women, get to define that. For no one else, but ourselves.
This post was in collaboration with Talbots. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
