If I'm being honest though, as fast as it went by, it really didn't go that quickly at all for me. The past three months have been a bit tumultuous -- up and down really -- in more ways than just the state of my skin (although that was certainly a large contributing factor in this equation). While I can sit here today and say I feel much better writing this post than I did 3 months ago when I was writing this particular post -- that isn't to say things are perfect either. So here goes nothing.
What the hell am I rambling about, you ask? For the sake of not boring you all to tears if you've been following this hormonal acne journey of mine, here's the brief Reader's Digest version of my less than savory journey: For the past 5 years or so, off and on, I've been dealing with varying degrees of hormonal acne -- ranging from mild to moderate at times (although it always felt severe when I was going through it). Up until that point, for my teenage and most of my adult life, I never really experienced Acne -- emphasis on the capital A, because an occasional pimple here and there does not equate Acne. When we talk about Acne, we're talking painful, below the surface cysts that would pop up pretty consistently along my jawline and cheeks, fluctuating week over week with my ever changing womanly cycle (oh the joys of being a woman are never ending, aren't they?).
Over that time period, I exhausted all the avenues to fixing it -- diet changes, lifestyle changes, product changes, supplement changes, heck -- you name it, I probably tried it. Everything short of Accutane that is, which after several months of living here in NYC, I was considering as my last ditch effort. Well, another option could be to try cannabis, I know it worked wonders for my Canadian friends but we can't use it here for legal reasons! Although I have heard in other countries like Canada, its even accessible on the internet from companies like greensociety.com (Click here for more information) which I imagine is handy for them! I was going to have to carry on my mission of finding something else until I eventually worked out a solution! Finally, at the beginning of 2016, I found a dermatologist here in the city who I really trusted and who listened to me (imagine that!), started a round of low hormone birth control (generic Yaz) and 100mg of Spironolactone daily as a final option before Accutane -- the 3 month mark results of which, were FANTASTIC (I documented it here). My skin had finally calmed down, my breakouts were much more manageable and, for the first time in a long time, I felt in control of what was happening with my skin. I no longer felt the need to cover it all up with makeup. After I was recommended to try out more natural products, I think this was possibly one of the best moves I could have made. Plus, I was finally sticking to a skincare routine. I added in oils to help combat my acne, cbd oil specifically. After I was recommended this, I will do the same for anyone who suffers with acne. To help you save a bit of money on products like these, companies like Save On Cannabis can be the solution. You've probably spend more money on skincare than anything else, so saving at least a couple of pounds is better than nothing. I feel like I am nearing the end of my journey with acne. And best part -- I didn't have to resort to Accutane, not that I don't think it's a good, viable option for anyone considering it, I just personally didn't want to try it for fear of other complications. It really shows why it's so important to find a dermatologist you can trust. If you are having similar troubles and live local, then you might like to give a dermatology Dallas a try.
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To speed this along, for most of 2016 I stayed on both medications without a hitch -- and I no longer fixated on my skin. Then, at the recommendation of my dermatologist, I stopped both in early 2017 with no flare ups and enjoyed some proverbial smooth sailing as far as my skin was concerned. Things weren't perfect, but they were 99% better than what I had been experiencing. Cue the end of 2017 and the beginning of 2018, which involved a lot of travel, quite a bit of stress and one fateful Plan B pill, and my skin of yesteryear started to creep back in. Painful, under the skin bumps, many of which lingered for weeks -- most leaving dark red marks and scars in their wake.
Since this isn't my first Acne rodeo, I acted fast -- with this plan I detailed for you all 3 months ago. And, considering I just saw my dermatologist yesterday for my 4 month check in, I decided now was a good time for a little progress update. Spoiler alert: the jury is still out on some of these steps, but overall, I'm feeling much more hopeful about it all! One thing I would like to note before I begin though, is that if this process has taught me anything, it's that if you're struggling with adult hormonal acne as well, you're certainly not alone. It's easy to feel isolated and embarrassed when it comes to dealing with hormonal acne at any age, but certainly as an adult, especially with how picture-perfect everyone looks on social media, but I'm here to assure you, it's far more common than you think.
Oddly enough, this second time around of dealing with this has been more about my mental approach to it all -- and to touch on my initial point at the beginning of this post, I experienced my fair share of ups and extreme downs during this process. I was forced to work on my self esteem and my confidence, two things I considered to be in relatively decent shape, until this recent set back. All of this brings up points I'd like to make in an upcoming post about mental health (coming later this week), so I'll spare you all the soapbox talk now and instead dive into my routine updates.
Oh, and one more thing to note: if there's another thing I've learned throughout this process, it's that what works for me, may not work for you and vice versa. As someone who has been on the receiving end of lots of solicited and unsolicited skincare advice, there's nothing more frustrating than the claim, "YOU NEED TO START DOING THIS, IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT WILL WORK." The reality is, you have to listen to your own body, give things enough time to fully work (sometimes around 3 or 4 months) and find good doctors who you trust and who listen to you. I'm merely sharing my progress here as an encouragement to you all to look into what works for you, not as a prescription or guide plan for your next steps.
Still reading? Cool, let's dive in.
Birth control: First things first -- birth control. Ah, it's a bit controversial isn't it? Honestly, the more I read about birth control, the more I wonder why the hell we don't have a pill yet that men can take that essentially renders their sperm as blanks. Seriously, think about it. If I can trick my body into think it's already pregnant, then I think we have the medical capacity to create a birth control pill for men. The question of whether men would take it or not, I'm sure is where the sexual politics of birth control gets ugly, but that's another discussion for another day.
Back in 2016, I started the same pill I'm on now, a generic form of Yaz. For some contraception history, I've never been on the pill longer than a year at a time, taking several years off between pills as well, mainly because I was just never good at remembering to take it every day. Since this was the only medication I was opting for this time around (last time I combined it with Spironolactone), I became hyper aware of how my body was reacting, week over week, month over month.
Well, I'm just a few days shy of finishing my 4th pack and I have to say, the past 4 months or so haven't been a walk in the park. Here's the play by play, as far as my skin is concerned: the first month, I experienced minimal breakouts (most were manageable), the second month, however, was probably the worst. The breakouts transitioned to painful cysts along my jawline and my left cheek, in particular. The frequency here was also concerning. It wasn't just around my time of the month, it was all month long, with spots going away, only to give way to new ones in the exact same area. FRUSTRATING. Month 3 was more of the same (not fun in London and Lisbon, lemme tell you!). And now, here at the end of month 4, I would like to say it's slowing down. A bit? I only add the question mark there because I still very much feel my hormones aren't quite synced yet. So the deal I have with my dermatologist and gynecologist at the moment is that we'll wait it out for another 2 months and see how my body is reacting. Overall, the past few weeks, my breakouts aren't AS often or AS severe. So, perhaps we're on the up and up? Emphasis on that question mark.
Diet changes: There's a long list of foods you can Google that are likely to spur hormonal acne. Usually at the top of that list is dairy, gluten and sugar. While I haven't been 100% perfect with these eliminations, I've done a lot to reduce my intake of them significantly, dairy being the one I've given up almost entirely (except for very small trace amounts in certain dishes). I've also cut out all red meat and poultry -- opting for fish whenever possible. I've incorporated far more dark green, leafy salads into my lunch routine (kale, spinach etc.) and I snack on a lot of blueberries, which are said to be great for reducing inflammation. I drink at least 2 liters of water a day and 2 cups of Spearmint tea, once in the morning and once in the evening before I go to bed (it's been found to help reduce androgen hormones, which are typically to blame for hormonal breakouts). My original plan was to drink more green tea, which I'll do in the afternoon, if I feel I need an extra caffeine pick me up, but in general, I rely on my one cup of coffee in the morning for my energy kick. I also made a point to cut back on my alcohol consumption -- not entirely -- but enough to really allow my skin to soak up all the water and good stuff I was putting into my body.
The effects? Overall, skin fluctuations aside, I just feel healthier. More alert. And more aware of the impact of food on my well being. Does it mean any of these foods or liquids are trigger points for my breakouts? Hard to say, but I do feel better about incorporating them into a long term game plan, so I'll stay this course, regardless. I should note I also take a daily Vitamin D, fish oil and Evening Primrose Oil supplement.
Spot treatments: My little holy grail products the past few months? Well, they haven't been able to STOP the breakouts, but the acne repair kit from Mario Badescu has been a godsend regardless for handling some of the tough, lurking pimples I've been getting the past few weeks. I rely mainly on the buffering lotion and the spot treatment (which I'll layer in that order) overnight. If I have nothing that requires me to leave my desk for the day, I'll apply in the morning and leave on all day as well. If I'm heading out for the day, I'll apply a spot treatment of benzoyl peroxide directly to my clean skin, targeting the problem areas, before layering on my SPF, followed by moisturizer (I'll detail my full morning and evening routine, with products, below).
Chemical peels: Full disclosure -- I chickened out. Big time with this one. To the point I actually had an appointment scheduled that I canceled a few days before, because I was just, well afraid. I blame this on Googling far too many horror stories of chemical peels gone wrong that I decided if I'm going to do a big overhaul treatment like this, I wanted to wait for my skin flare ups to calm down, so as to not rock the boat too much. Perhaps I'll pull the trigger a few months from now, perhaps not. We'll see.
Exercise: Someone recently asked me via DM on Instagram where I found the motivation to work out most days. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of days (this past 3-4 month period being one of them) where I really have to drag myself out the door to get my butt moving and my heart pumping. Of course, as the days get warmer and the promise of beach vacations help with fitness goals, I still have to say my number one motivation always comes down to mood improvement. I just feel like a more pleasant human being when I fit in a work out every day, whether that's running 3-5 miles, taking a fitness class or just opting to walk home instead of taking the subway. I'll touch on my mental state during this process down below, but let it suffice to say, I always feel better if I exercise on a regular basis and it really helped battle some of the down periods I've experienced recently.
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My skincare routine and products: So here's the rundown, from morning to evening, of everything I've been using lately, including a few new additions that I hope to do a full review of in a few months time.
Cleanse: I rotated between two products during this time. My trusty CeraVe (a gentle foaming cleanser for sensitive skin) and Peter Thomas Roth's Water Drench Cleanser (another gentle cleanser, ideal for dry skin -- which my skin has become, since starting both the birth control and several of the drying spot treatments). To be completely honest, I didn't notice a significant difference between either product's ability to really cleanse my face (particular with regard to removing makeup), so I'll probably opt to just stick with my CeraVe, as it's much more pocket friendly. In the morning, I'll use my hands to wash my face. In the evening, I'll use a white washcloth to make sure I removed any and all makeup.
Exfoliate: I'll do this in the evening, once a week, with Vanity Planet's facial cleansing system, using the silicone brush head, since it has gentle brushes. Instead of using a scrub (I find these just irritate my skin), I'll simply use my cleanser as the active scrubbing agent.
Toner: I use toner on a case by case basis, particularly when I feel my skin is acting up and producing more oil than usual. When that happens, I'll swipe on Peter Thomas Roth's Glycolic Acid Toning Complex. Fair warning, it doesn't smell pleasant and I would recommend starting SLOW with this guy. A little goes a long way.
Sunscreen: After applying my BP to any problem skin areas, I allow it to dry and really soak into my skin (I'll usually brush my teeth during this time), before applying my sunscreen for the day. It probably goes without saying, this step is SO CRUCIAL to your acne journey, as it's likely whatever you're doing to troubleshoot your skin, it's making you much more sensitive to sun exposure. I recently picked up Elta MD UV Clear sunscreen, with SPF 46 for acne prone skin, at my dermatologist's office and I lather quite liberally.
Moisturizer: I have two favorites at the moment, both packing a good punch of Vitamin C, which is great for promoting collagen growth (much needed for me since I have active acne and acne scars). I use Peter Thomas Roth's Camu Camu Power C moisturizer during the day and then Peter Thomas Roth's Potent C Power Serum at night (just ran out of this stuff, going to restock soon).
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Masks: This is going to sound controversial, but I don't dabble in masks all too often these days, again, mainly on a case by case basis. If my skin is feeling extra congested, I'll use Skinceuticals Clarifying Clay Mask and if my skin is feeling a little dry/dull, I'll use Bliss' In The Honey Moisturizing Mask. When my skin is really acting up, I find a good light layer of raw organic honey applied all over my face, helps reduce redness and inflammation.
Lactic Acids: I've been reading a lot about both Sunday Riley's Good Genes and Biologique's Lotion P50 Original 1970. Both came highly recommended by skincare enthusiast friends and both I'm kinda nervous about starting. Mainly because I've read WAY too many reviews on Sephora that note the dreaded initial breakout phases of both products. I have a sample of Sunday Riley's Good Genes, so perhaps I'll start there and report back with a review. Would you guys like that? On a related note, have any of you tried either product? Thoughts?
And that's the rundown of my routine! Of course, I should note, whenever possible, I try to skip makeup, even though I've vetted all products to be non-pore clogging. I think it's important to allow your skin time to breath and to really absorb whatever you're putting on it, product wise, without makeup interfering. I get monthly facials, opting for a more gentle procedure, for sensitive skin.
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The stigma of Acne: So I've mentioned several times throughout this now FAR TOO LENGTHY POST, that this second time around has tested me in different ways, particularly in regard to my attitude toward acne and my self esteem. Let's just all say it together: it's never fun having acne, no matter what age you are. Teenage, adult, senior citizen! And no matter how many times people tell you to stop worrying about it, that it'll eventually go away, that they hardly notice it, it often times doesn't make you feel better. If anything, it makes you fixate even more on it, especially if those friends can't really relate to what you're going through. I've tied so many products from the store which they say will help with acne, but some don't do anything at all. If you feel like you've already tried eveything, you may want to look into using products like cbdoil and see how that works for your skin. Everyone is different, so it may work for you but not for others. It is worth a try.
I'll be the first to admit, I let the state of my skin control my mood far too many times, only to feel disappointed in myself for allowing those feelings to control me in the first place, because hey, I'm a well-adjusted 32 year old woman who shouldn't let her outward appearance dictate so much. The reality is, this cycle continued and sometimes still gets the best of me, if I'm being completely honest. I've had plenty of moments recently where I catch myself thinking, "Krystal, snap out of it. Things aren't that bad." And it's true. Things aren't that bad.
My dermatologist once put it into perspective for me, noting that acne usually isn't a sign of some BIG underlying problem -- there's nothing WRONG with you. It's just unsightly. And it's unsightly because society tells us it is. No matter where you are with your acne journey, I didn't want to end today's post on a "LOOK AT ME, I FIXED MY PROBLEM" note, because I am far from having perfect skin, nor do I expect perfect skin ever. These photos here are shot in quite flattering studio lighting and thanks to some makeup coverage and intentional hair placement, the areas of my face that make me feel uncomfortable are covered up. I have plenty of flaws, and perhaps I'll get the courage someday to share photos that highlight all of them. But I'm here to remind you, perfection is unrealistic, despite what Instagram filters might lead us all to believe. We all have flaws -- zits, warts, scars and all. I wanted to end today's post, reiterating that if you're going through this journey, you're not alone. There are plenty of statistics I could throw out here, but let it suffice to say, there is a huge support system out there, including the girl you see here, in these photos, who is happy to email, text and yes, chat on the phone with you about whatever state of your skin is getting you down. Seriously, just say the word.
Speaking of words, my word count is now up to over 3,000. So I think that's my cue to wind this down. But please, sound off below. Would love to hear any thoughts/feedback/personal stories about your skincare journey.
4minute read My scent changes with my mood and my seasons -- and I love how each bottle I add to my rotation stands proudly each morning, inviting me to become that woman -- be it powerful, seductive, intriguing, mysterious, evocative, curious, youthful, pensive -- and sometimes, all of the above.
I'll admit it -- I love Valentine's Day. Whether I'm in a relationship or not, there's something about celebrating the idea of love that always gets me smiling. Of course, it certainly doesn't hurt that my birthday is a few days later, making for plenty of excuses to get a little extra dolled up this time of year. This Valentine's Day, my plans are a bit in flux as my guy may be heading out of town on the 14th on a work trip, so I'm working out a few last minute details for a girls night out. In the spirit of last minute, "oh my god, throw something together" moments that seem to sneak up on us all, I figured today's video might be handy for the girls who have the outfit planned out, but the finishing touches are still up in the air.
Full disclosure: I'm not super handy when it comes to styling my hair much outside the "wavy curls" box -- but when Nora shared these three styles with me, they seemed approachable enough even for the hair novices amongst us (like yours truly). Each take about 15 minutes to do. Each is easier when you have some snappy French pop music playing in the background. Trust me on that one.
Hope you guys enjoy and please let me know if you'd like to see more hair tutorial videos over on my channel!
Though many of you may have your gifts already picked out, some of us are still struggling to find the perfect gift for someone on our list. Maybe she's the woman who has everything and wants for nothing — and yet will playfully expect a lovely gift. Or maybe it's the girl whose life is so effortless and down to earth that even material things just don't cut it. Whoever it is, a tried-and-true gift I always turn to is beauty. From lipsticks to balms to hair products to skincare, beauty is something almost any girl can get excited over, especially as gifts. Beauty products are often small and always thoughtful — I love how much consideration goes into even the tiniest pot of eyeshadow. Does this match her personality? Will she wear it often or for special occasions? Does this color scream her?
Beauty can be tricky, sometimes, but with these picks below you'll be pleasing every last girl on your list. Happy shopping!
When it comes to my skincare routine here in New York, you guys know I've been through the ringer. After moving here from San Francisco, my skin went through a series of phases -- some good, some bad, some downright ugly -- and it took me a while to finally get a handle on the situation. Between the climate change (hello harsh winters!) to some pretty pervasive pollution, not to mention a handful of New York evenings where you just don't sleep, my skin revolted -- resulting in some pretty moderate to severe adult acne. Some of you may recall my journey here, which I shared in detail -- everything from what worked to what failed.
Thankfully, I've gotten my skin under control thanks to an awesome dermatologist here in the city, a fitness routine that balances me and my skin out, a combination of certain prescribed medicines (which I shared here) that I've since weened off, and generally, just listening to my skin when it's trying to tell me something. My schedule certainly hasn't slowed down, nor has my daily pace, but I definitely make a point, at the beginning and end of each day to tend to my skin -- a ritual of sorts. I was recently introduced to the brand, Valmont, a Swiss luxury skincare line, after trying out a few of their products at a recent event at Saks. Fast forward a few weeks later, and their team approached me about test driving their latest Essence of Bees line, with an introductory session with one of their lead estheticians, Sandra, here in New York. Sandra has been using Valmont on many of her clients for the past 18 years, which I think is a testament to how much she truly believes in the product -- most of which features some of the latest technology in skincare advancements, including skin rejuvenating elements that are traditionally used on burn victims. Plus, Sandra's skin was pretty much perfect -- the first thing I look for when I come in for a facial.
Since then, I've been following a regimen of their eye serum, facial oil daily -- both in the mornings and the evenings, with their mask about 2-3 times a week. It's only been about 2 weeks now, but I think the biggest difference I can see, is under my eyes, which usually are extremely sensitive to my sleep patterns (or lack thereof) -- my under eye skin feels much more supple to the touch and oddly enough, I feel like I just look more awake. I'll keep testing out these products over the coming weeks, but in the meantime, I wanted to share their line with one of you! Hope over to this Instagram post to learn more about how you could win their Essence of Bees line (retails over $1k)!
Also, hope you enjoy this video we created, inspired by the many New York girls I know, who are constantly on the go but don't want to sacrifice their skincare routine. And if you haven't already, I would love it if you would consider subscribing to my YouTube channel! I launch new videos every Friday, many times before they get posted to Instagram or the blog.
And, of course, Happy Thanksgiving, guys! Hope you have a beautiful holiday with family and friends!
This post was in collaboration with Valmont. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
Raise your hand if, once upon a time, you used to subscribe to numerous monthly subscription boxes.
(My hand is raised.)
OK, now raise your hand if your experience since then goes a bit like this:
What started off as one innocent subscription-based membership, let's say for beauty, slowly morphed into a subscription box for pretty much every category and reason under the sun, from fitness to fashion and you soon realized: "I just don't have space for this." It boiled down to, too much stuff, way too often. And perhaps you got tired of your mailman looking at you like you were secretly a hoarder?
(My hand is certainly raised.)
OK, so if your hand isn't tired yet, keep them up if you then unsubscribed from said monthly subscription boxes?
(Yep, my hand is up there.)
As you can imagine, I have a love/hate relationship with subscription boxes -- not because I don't like the concept. It's more than I wish there was a better way to tailor them for my interests and needs. Like a lot of you, I imagine, I got tired of the onslaught of products every month, many of them sample size, which made it hard to determine if I REALLY liked them or not. And more often than not, I found myself holding onto a few really great products across all the different services/categories, and wishing I could have gotten that assortment in ONE box, not 7.
So you can imagine my curiosity when the folks over at FabFitFun approached me about reviewing their latest Editor's Box, the contents of which, you can see here in my photos. What initially hooked me, on premise alone, is the fact they send boxes seasonally (essentially every 3 months), not every month, which if you ask me, is a much more manageable frequency. Plus, they curate products from a broader range of categories, including beauty, fashion, fitness and travel (the 4 keys to my heart!) that you can ultimately edit yourself if you choose to do so (or keep it a surprise -- the choice is yours!). All products are FULL size (finally!) and each box is $49.99, with at least $200 worth of products inside.
And just to top things off here, they partner with a different charity for each seasonal send, with a portion of the proceeds going back toward the organization. This month's send is benefitting the American Heart Association.
OK, so the deal sounds good, right? What about the content?
I'll be sharing my favorites from their Editor's Box down below, so keep reading -- and if happen to want to scoop up a box for yourself, be sure to use the code TOMORROW at checkout for $10 off your first purchase! Just a quick note: the Editor's Box has since sold out, but you should check out their latest Winter Box available now (which actually has the BB Dakota poncho I wore in this Instagram post).
The lineup: Salted, Himalayan Salt Kit: So I'm no at-home gourmand, but there is something so decadent about whipping out some Himalayan salt for even the most basic of snacks. This kit was probably the first thing I used from the box -- it comes with a grater and wood stand, and came just in time for a good binge session of Stranger Things and some popcorn (which I definitely topped off with extra salt).
Realher, Lip kit in deep red: Such a great red, so it had me sold there. But I just love the female empowerment packaging!
Mytagalongs, high speed skipping rope: This skipping rope couldn't have come at a better time! Admittedly, I've been in the market for a jump rope ever since writing this post a while back about easy workout tips while traveling. And for some reason or another, I just never pulled the trigger on one. But now, with the holidays almost here and the fact I'll be in Australia for most of December, I'm excited to bring this rope along, so I can mix up my exercise routine on the road!
Spongelle, body wash infused buffer in French lavender: In one word: heavenly. It just smells heavenly. Lately, I've been really into scheduling a Sunday night bath for myself. While I don't have the world's most luxurious bathroom or bathtub (this is an old building in the West Village, after all), it really comes down to the little touches that make all the difference. Great candles. Music. A book. And this body sponge have all been making me one relaxed woman come Sunday night.
Sterling Forever, wishbone necklace: So this was probably the second used product in the box -- I immediately threw it on and loved how it looked mixed with all my other white gold and rose gold jewelry. Plus, you guys may recall I recently misplaced my go-to wishbone necklace, so this was a welcomed surprise!
Anderson Lilley, Dry Body Oil in Manhattan Beach: At first glance, I wasn't entirely sure what this product was intended for: hair? face? body? nails? That is, until I realized, it basically worked wonders, for all of them! The texture threw me off at first -- it glides on with a bit of a matte finish, which seems counterintuitive for a moisturizer, but it lingers in a really satisfying way. Lately, I've been using it on my face, after my moisturizer and SPF, and before my foundation, to give a bit of a base glow.
This post was in collaboration with FabFitFun. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
First things first. I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, that I truly appreciate all your kind words and birthday wishes last Friday. To feel genuine connections today is rare and the fact I can share my little corner of the internet with you day to day and have it mean something to both of us -- to connect, to discuss, to commiserate, to support, to advise, to just BE, well that's nothing short of amazing to me. Truly. Thank you.
Secondly, but on a very related and open note, I wanted to talk about something that I've been dealing with and thinking about lately and that's self-image. Now, before this starts to sound like an eye-roll inducing after school special, I'd like to clarify a few things. This isn't where I get on a soap box and tell you the importance of self-image and self-worth. Because at the end of the day, I think we can all recognize just how important these things are and how very little they should depend on how we actually look and where we are in life, but our perspective on them. The tricky part, especially as I'm entering this phase where a lot of things in my life really are falling into place after years of hard work (knock on wood!), is how to address it when your perspective shifts. When things you can't control throw you a curve ball. When telling yourself that you're beautiful no matter what, gets a bit harder because of some new insecurity, big or small. When you just can't quiet the doubts that creep in, whether they're warranted or not.
Where am I going with this? Well in the spirit of being open and honest with you all, for the past two years, I've been struggling with some persistent hormonal acne, primarily along my jawline. What started out as seemingly normal breakouts around that time of the month, has now progressed into something a bit more concerning and cystic in nature. As someone who historically never really dealt with acne as a teenager, aside from the typical pimple that showed up from time to time, this has thrown me for a loop. A complete loop.
Now, you may be wondering as to why it hasn't ever really been a topic here on This Time Tomorrow, or perhaps all that noticeable in my photos. And that's the beauty of makeup coverage and strategic hair placement and me just generally shying away from closeups of my face (I get really nervous when Lydia gets too close to me with her camera). For that, I want to say that I wasn't intentionally trying to mislead anyone about my appearance. At the end of the day, I wanted my outfits to be the focus, and the fact my face happens to pop in from time to time, is just a byproduct.
In the whole scheme of things, I also realize my acne is by no means debilitating, and after many, many, many Google image searches looking for answers and explanations, I realize I'm much more on the mild to moderate side of the severity spectrum. Hence why it doesn't look all that obvious or noticeable in my photos. Does that mean my self-doubt doesn't creep in regularly? Of course not. Or that my insecurity doesn't control me sometimes? It definitely can and does - I've certainly considered visiting this dermatologist in beverly hills. Or that some self-loathing, despite my better judgement, doesn't get the best of me? Oh god, it certainly does. More than I would like to admit.
A bit dramatic? Perhaps. But isn't that the frustrating thing about insecurities? Sometimes, the things no one else really notices or cares about, are the things you blow out of proportion in our head. What used to be routine, like say, going to the coffee shop sans makeup, becomes an inner struggle of thinking everyone is staring JUST at your face. And your latest breakout.
It can be isolating to say the least -- especially when a lot of your friends (or perhaps amongst my circle of friends), aren't necessarily going through the same thing, you can really start to feel alone. I find this particularly interesting, given that, after a lot of internet research and chatting with my dermatologist at great length, this is actually a really common problem among women my age (due to a long list of hormonal factors that I'm not really qualified to write or speak about).
Now, I don't intend for this post to turn into a complete skin care routine write up as I'm still very much in the stages of sorting out possible causes and treatments, including but not limited to diet changes and a prescribed medication from my dermatologist. (That said, if you would find it helpful if I documented this experience here, please do let me know in the comments below!) Instead, I want this post to help anyone who's struggling with a self-image problem of their own, be it acne or not, to know that you're not alone. And despite how difficult it might get to remind yourself at the end of the day, it really is true: you are enough. You are. You are more than enough. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And especially don't let yourself tell you otherwise. If you are struggling with self-image issues, don't worry - there are lots of things you can do to fix these! For example, if you're conscious about acne or wrinkles, visit a dermatologist on the upper east side (or one local to you.) Or if you're self conscious about your weight, why not visit a personal trainer? There are always other options!
Easier said than done, of course. Especially in an age of over-sharing and over-editing, when you can easily compare yourself to this person or that celebrity -- trust me, I get it. And in some ways, I feed into it -- it's the nature of this world I work in. Guilty as charged. But just as that saying goes, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle," you gotta be kind to yourself first. You owe that to YOU.
And in the spirit of self-love, I've partnered with my favorite facial oil, Biossance, to help celebrate their latest product launch, The Nourisher. As someone with, oddly enough, very dry skin despite my recent onslaught of breakouts, I've toyed with the idea of facial oils off and on the past few years, afraid it would just add too much "oil" to my already seemingly "oily" face. I've now fully incorporated them into my evening routine at the recommendation of my dermatologist, who has me on several cleansers and creams that are extremely drying on the skin to help combat my acne. One of these creams is a CBD cream which I decided to try after my friend sent me this CBDistillery Coupon Code, although I've found that this one doesn't dry my skin out like the others. It would make sense that CBD is helping clear up my skin, as it is a cannabinoid from the cannabis plant, which has evidence to prove that it greatly helps clear up acne. Many prefer to actually smoke marijuana strains, like blue god, instead of using CBD products. It's completely up to you how you choose to treat your acne/skin issues, but ensure that it is having a positive effect on your spots and not worsening the problem. It doesn't help that winter is in full swing here in NYC and my skin has never been dryer. Never. It's been extremely uncomfortable and unsettling -- almost to the point that I've noticed my skin becoming a bit dull and less firm than I'm used to, particularly on my lower jawline and neck, where a lot of recent breakouts have been occurring. I'm trusting in the process that my dermatologist has outlined for me (and urge you to consult yours first before you start subscribing to this routine for your skin), but have relished in the fact I can lather on just a few drops of a gentle facial oil like Biossance's Nourisher combined with a gentle moisturizer like CereVe, and start to feel my old skin texture again, despite the necessary skin peeling from my cleansing routine.
If you'd like to share your own self-love story, Biossance is hosting a giveaway over on their Instagram account. Simply upload an image of your own, share your self-love journey and tag Biossance and you'll be automatically entered for a chance to win a Nourisher sample.
I also want to say that this post was extremely therapeutic for me to write -- and while I'm still very much in the thick of struggling with acne, I feel immensely better for getting this off my chest. It's something that I've wanted to discuss here on This Time Tomorrow for a while now, but the timing always seemed off and I had a million excuses as to why I didn't want to openly admit this thing that I'm extremely insecure about. But when Biossance shared their latest campaign story with me -- that of self-love -- I felt it would be amiss of me to not take this opportunity to stare this thing down in the face, once and for all, especially with a product that my dermatologist and I feel is a good fit for me and my skin right now.
Of course, part of me is still afraid to hit publish -- because us silly human beings hate being vulnerable -- but I also recognize that if this reaches just one other person who might be going through something similar, than I fully believe it was worth it. And if you happen to be that one other person still reading this very long and rambling post and want to talk about it -- hit me up! I'm all ears: krystalannebick@gmail.com.
This post was in collaboration with Biossance. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
Lately, with my schedule a bit in flux these days with both the weather and NYFW kicking into high gear, I've been squeezing my workouts in during the mornings. If it's warm enough (which thank goodness, it has been lately!), I'll opt for a morning run along the Hudson (around 6am, eep!). If it's a bit chillier, or there's fresh snow on the ground, I'll head to my trusty Equinox or a Barry's Bootcamp class to wake up.
I've always considered myself an early riser -- and when the mood strikes me just right -- I love working out in the mornings. It's a great way to energize your day and by the time most folks are just thinking about their first cup of coffee, you've already covered a few miles or did your fair share of squats to get your booty looking fresh for summer.
For early mornings like these, I keep my beauty routine simple, with a fresh layer of BB cream and moisturizer to perk up my skin. The folks over at Clinique recently introduced me to their new eye cream, Pep-Start, which I've been testing out for my undereye area, right after applying my all over facial moisturizer. If you're like me, your under eye area is probably super sensitive when you first wake up (meaning I sometimes look like a zombie on the treadmill), but Pep-Start has been an easy step in my routine that actually perks up my skin (i.e. it feels more plump, making my eyes pop just a tad bit more).
As for this past Wednesday's early morning workout with Clinique? Well let's just say I experienced my first 7am dance/rave/Daybreaker event. In short, I thought I was signed up for 7am yoga. Instead, I was greeted by fire acrobats, Knicks City Dancers and a ton of glow sticks. But that's another story, for another day, perhaps? 😉
Have you guys tried out Pep-Start yet? You can snag your own at Sephora right here.
This post was in collaboration with Clinique. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
Jacket: Eddie Bauer; Sweater: Everlane (from last year, similar style here); Jeans: Guess; Boots: Schutz; Bag: Chanel (obsessed with this similar version here); Sunglasses: Celine; Bracelet: Miansai
I keep saying that I would love to have one of those New York evenings where I stay out all night, hopping from restaurant to restaurant, bar to bar, club to fast food joint and then back to a bar again, all to see the sun come up over one of our many bridges. You know, like the Queensboro bridge scene from Manhattan. Precisely like that.
While all evening romps are certainly the norm still (and high on my list of things to accomplish here in NYC), I've been hearing more and more about 6am dance parties. The kind that literally kick off once the sun is coming up, instead of the other way around. (Let's see Woody Allen make a movie about that.)
As luck would have it, I recently was invited by St. Ives to a Morning Gloryville event just last week at Washington Square, where, you guessed it, before I even had my first cup of coffee, I was strapping glow sticks to my wrists and hopping around to a little EDM. Oh, there also may or may not have been tarot card readings, sunrise salutations and a little bathroom refresh station to spruce up before work, with some of St. Ives' skincare line (my personal favorite at the moment is their Blemish Control scrub, which is perfect for my oily, acne-prone skin).
Huge thanks to St. Ives for inviting me out last week and for helping me check the 6am dance party off my NYC bucket list!
This post was in collaboration with St. Ives. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
A few weeks back, I mentioned I was taking baby steps into the world of facial oils. As someone with naturally oily skin as it is, I have this predisposition to avoid excess oily products like the plague -- so my rational self found this to be quite counterintuitive. That is, until one of you guys actually left a comment on Instagram (House of Ginger, I'm looking at you!) that made me think otherwise. Net, net: oily skin produces excess oil because it senses you need it, so if you're beating it to the punch with an oil of your own (and one that's more plant based), it'll essentially keep everything in check. And if done right, you're left with a dewy, youthful glow (aka, what I like to call the 'Miranda Kerr effect'). Sign me up.
This is where Biossance comes in. I was recently introduced to Biossance by a close girlfriend (who also happens to be a facial oil fanatic) and was excited to try it out for myself when they approached me to partner together this summer. Routine thus far has included a few drops in the morning before I apply my makeup (I've been skipping my regular moisturizer) and a few drops on a very cleansed face before I go to bed. I've also been sneaking it around with me during the day, as it's been great to dab on extra dry patches of skin elsewhere, my cuticles if I can't make it in for a manicure and even for dry, frizzy hair flyways.
As a newbie to all of this, I've been sure to take serious notes as to changes in my skin tone, complexion and overall oil balance. Thus far, I'm happy to report the results have surpassed my expectations. Given that I recently just moved to a much more humid climate and my travel schedule has been nothing short of insane, my skin has been thrown out of whack, but I'm already starting to see a much more calm, even skin tone settling in, especially along my problem areas of my chin and patches along my upper neck. My skin feels hydrated but not overly weighed down or slicked over (which was one of my first concerns).
Where do you guys stand on the facial oil debate? And if you're a fan, have you tried Biossance already? Would love to hear your thoughts!
This post was in collaboration with Biossance. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
In that case, #31 would go a little something like this, ahem: SKIN CARE.
We've talked a little bit about skin around here on the blog before. And to be completely honest, it hasn't been something I've actively invested a lot of time in until recent years. Perhaps that's the onset of premature warnings of taking the right "anti-aging" steps that you get bombarded with in your mid to late 20s or the fact that my skin seems to be much more prone to breakouts lately (from what I've read, it seems to be hormone related, so hey, hormones, let's get it together, OK?).
Either way, I like to think I'm looking at skin care more holistically these days. What I eat, drink, how much I exercise and even how much I sleep all plays a huge role, and I'm trying to be mindful of each factor's impact (perhaps another blog post, for another day?). As far as a product regimen goes, I'm relatively a creature of habit, often only introducing something new into the routine after it's come highly recommended by a trusted girlfriend.
I've been a fan of Boots Beauty products for quite some time now, particularly their cosmetic line, and have always appreciated their efforts to keep organic ingredients and sustainability practices top of mind when it comes to their end product. Plus, the fact it doesn't break the bank (all of their items can be purchased at Target), certainly doesn't hurt either. So when they approached me about trying out their Botanics skin care line, I was more than game. Over the past few weeks, I've narrowed down my favorites, fine tuning what I think is a pretty well balanced, personalized routine. In no particular order, the top contenders are:
1. Rosewater toning spritz: This is a completely new step for me in my skin care routine, that being right after washing my face at night, I'll lightly spritz this toning spray on, the goal of which is to tighten pores while I sleep and give your skin that little extra oomph to ultimately prepare it for moisturizing. I love the rosemary smell and it's consequent calming effect (perfect skin nightcap) -- and can already tell you I'll be toting this in my bag for mid-flight pick me ups for my many summer trips around the corner.
2. Ionic clay mask: This particular version has willowbark in it, which is said to have clarifying effects -- the salicylic acid in it is supposed to reduce the size of pores and improve blemishes over time. Given that breakouts are top of mind for me, I love doing a weekly clay mask just to remove the week's wear and tear on my skin, and this particular one, thus far, has left me with significantly less irritable, red skin afterward.
3. Cleansing mousse: Just like the clay mask, this particular mousse relies on willowbark for a lot of those same properties suited for oily skin like mine. The selling point for me though? The mattifying effect it has is amazing especially since I'm somewhat prone to excess oil, particularly in my T-zone and along my chin.
4. Radiance serum: This is another new step for me in my routine, that being a brightening serum, this particular one having a mild exfoliating effect. I've been blending in 2-3 drops of this in the mornings and evenings right after washing my face, and have already noticed a subtle glow effect it's had, especially around my cheekbones sweeping up to my eyes.
5. Facial oil: Ah, facial oils. I feel like every beauty counter I've gone to, they've made me swear on a stack of bibles that I'll never touch a facial oil because of my oily-prone skin. And while those who are perhaps more knowledgable about skin care than myself may still agree with said beauty counter experts, I have to say, I've loved my week so far with this facial oil! I've been using it in place of my normal moisturizer so as not to double up, and have loved it's lingering silky effect. My skin feels, dare I say supple, without venturing into oily territory.
Now I'm curious, have any of you guys tried the Boots Botanics skin care line? I'd love to hear about your favorites!
This post was in collaboration with Boots Botanics. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
It's funny how packing up your life into boxes makes you really evaluate the sheer amount of stuff you can accumulate. Case in point? My closet took me close to a full weekend to really dig through and sort. A lot of folding, boxing up, rediscovering pieces I thought were lost forever and cringing at a few that had managed to stick around for that long. It's been incredibly therapeutic in a sense to just cleanse -- pare down to exactly what I need and want in my life and part with the things I don't.
My beauty shelf is really no different. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily a product junkie at heart but somehow, I've managed to fill a few overflowing shelves in my bathroom, precariously stacked and arranged with creams, foundations, powders, lipsticks and probably one too many brushes than I know what to do with -- a lot of them I love, a lot of them are samples I've yet to try. So naturally, when I tackled those shelves this weekend, I realized how very few products I really reach for on a regular basis -- the ones where I wouldn't be able to start my day without -- one of which is a great skin cream. As I get older, I'm starting to realize how much emphasis I put on routine, especially when it comes to something as foundational as skin care. There are so many products available that can help you with your skin health, and you can even read reviews online to find the best ones that suit you. A friend of mine showed me these beverly hills md deep wrinkle filler reviews when I was shopping around for cream to help with the lines that started appearing. I realized that I enjoy looking back on changes to my routine. I'm much more diligent about drinking lots of water than my former 20-something year old self, I apply a nightly eye cream (because those late night email catch up sessions are definitely catching up with me) and I don't dare leave the house without a base layer of SPF lotion on (Baz was right all along).
I recently read about Voucelle and was intrigued by the stem cell activation of it -- to essentially encourage cell turnover -- for firmer, more resilient skin. I wouldn't say anti-aging steps are something I'm actively looking into, but sometimes the best preventative care is taken well before you need it so I was excited when the folks at Voucelle asked me to test drive it. I've been applying the serum nightly (after drinking a full bottle of water to boot) and have been really happy with the results so far, especially around and near my eyes, which tend to be slightly puffy in the morning.
Have you guys tried it? Would love to hear what your thoughts!
This post was in collaboration with Voucelle. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
I'm currently writing this post over Utah and from the looks of our in-flight navigation map, smack dab over the Great Salt Lake. As you may have spied on Instagram, I've packed up again, this time to head to Milan Fashion Week (my first time ever!).
And while I'm beyond excited to jump right back into more fashion week chaos, let's talk beauty for a minute. I have to admit, my skin has been taking a bit of a beating lately. Between the recycled air on flights, biting winter winds and just not staying properly hydrated while traveling (hello, too much caffeine!), I'm finding some of my skin care routine mistakes are now catching up with me. (Insert forehead smack here.)
Luckily, my partnership with bareMinerals comes at a great time. If you've followed This Time Tomorrow for a while now, you probably already know I'm a huge fan of the brand and their clean, natural aesthetic. After all, any beauty company whose mantra is "Be original, be natural, be good" is definitely one I can get behind. They've recently launched their newest skin care line, Complexion Rescue and I've been loving the results thus far. Lightweight but with great coverage and extremely hydrating. It's a great fuss-free base foundation and keeps my skin slightly dewy with a natural glow -- two things I always find hard to "fake" during the winter because my skin takes on this weird combination of dry AND oily. I've always been a firm believer that less is WAY more when it comes to a lot of things -- beauty being chief among them -- and Complexion Rescue fits the bill for coverage with great skin care benefits.
Have any of you guys tried it out yet? Thoughts so far?
This post was in collaboration with bareMinerals. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting all This Time Tomorrow collaborations!
Unfortunately for me, I've never been blessed with naturally clear, glowing, oh-I-just-woke-up-like-this skin. And if we're being totally honest around here (because, hey, why not?) my skin has taken a beating the past few years during my 20s. Between working long hours, skimping on sleep and neglecting my diet from time to time (I guess those Annie's cheddar bunny snacks have finally caught up with me), it's clear to me I am in desperate need of a skin routine reboot.
My skin has always been oily prone, but it wasn't until I moved from a really dry, hot climate (Nevada) to a more damp and cool environment (hello, SF!), that I saw a dramatic difference in how sensitive my skin really can be. These days, I've set a few mini obtainable goals for my skin routine with a short shopping list to try out (including a few of the products shown above). Let's kick things off here shall we?
1. Water: Seems like a no brainer, because really, it's on just about every tip list for skin care. I'm making more of an effort lately to swap out my coffee and Diet Coke for large bottles of water throughout the day.
2. Makeup-free days: More often than not, Sundays are my down day, reserved for park adventures with Elvis, late brunch and email catch up, i.e. no makeup required. I like giving my skin a break to breathe, even if most of my makeup is oil-free and non-pore-clogging.
3. Dairy: So my general doctor and my dermatologist disagreed on this point (dermatologist didn't think it would make a difference, doctor did) but I've wanted to try cutting dairy out for a while now to see if it would move the needle at all. There are lots of theories about the hormones in dairy and their correlation with acne and I'm by no means an expert in this area -- just merely trying it out to see if it works for me. I'll keep you posted.
4. Exercise: While there are lots of obvious reasons to work out more often, if we're purely talking about skin quality here, I have to say my skin has always been clearest when I've consistently been running 3 plus miles a day. Sweat it out, right?
As for my weapons of choice? Shop my top contenders right here...
Beauty has always been a bit of a daunting subject for me. Admittedly, I've never really been one of those girls who experimented with eye shadow growing up, eyebrow shaping has only really been part of my normal routine for the past recent couple of years (I know, shame on me!) and I'm pretty lost when it comes to the whole lining the inner part of my eye and thereby temporarily blinding myself for the day. BUT. This doesn't mean I don't admire those who have mastered it. And in fact, it's something I'm trying to push myself to try out more. After all, why not?
As far as most mornings go though -- my routine has to be pretty edited. Around 10-15 minutes to be exact. I'm always in a rush first thing in the morning because I never want to get out of bed! Maybe I should have selected a less comfortable mattress from this mattress review website. Since my morning commute to work can take close to 2 hours, I rely heavily on a rotation of reliable, go-to products that a.) get me out the door quickly and b.) last me throughout the day, with minimal touch ups.
It's been a while since I've shared a roundup of my favorite beauty products, so I wanted to introduce them here -- some old and some new...
For my face:
Stila beauty balm: A great base before my makeup (and I wear it alone on the weekends).
TEMPTU airbrush system (with foundation, blush and highlighter pods here): Hands down, one of the most flawless and natural looking finishes I've tried when it comes to my foundation routine. Plus, it takes all of 2-3 minutes to apply. #Hooked. (In case you didn't catch it earlier, check out my tutorial here.) If you want to try it out for yourself, TEMPTU is offering a 25% discount to my readers! Just enter the code "KRYSTAL25" at checkout.
Benefit pore-reducing cream: This one is relatively new to me -- I'm not convinced my pores look any smaller, but it's a great primer nonetheless.
NARS smudge proof eyeshadow primer // NARS eye shadow "Cyprus": When it comes to branching out makeup-wise, eye shadow is something I'm easing myself into. Luckily, my NARS obsession helped relieve any concerns here, especially this smudge proof primer. Creases by 6pm? Not a chance!
Givenchy mascara: A bit pricey, but the applicator wand is pretty worth it (really thickens your eyelashes). Sometimes, I'll just use the wand after I have my Lash Domination applied.
NARS shadow pencil "Aigle Noir": I know most people say to use a dark brown eye liner for day use to "soften the look." I tend to wear black for everyday use (subtly of course), as I think it stands out better against my darker features. I love how this pencil is easy to smudge and blend with just my fingertips.
Stila balm lipstick in "Ruby": The Stila team surprised me with this lip color while I was in New York a few weeks back. I love collecting red lipsticks. Can never have too many in my opinion.
NARS satin lip pencil in "Rikugien", "Luxembourg" and "Hyde Park": The perfect trifecta of lip colors. And so easy for everyday wear.
What are your morning routine favorites?
This post is sponsored by TEMPTU. As always, all opinions and styling are my own. Thank you for supporting posts that keep This Time Tomorrow's doors open.
When it comes to my beauty routine, I aim for a more natural look for both day and evening -- so, admittedly, I hardly consider myself a makeup guru. I do, however, have a handful of recent favorites that I swear by and figured I should spill!
In the top photo, from clockwise from top left:
1.) Estée Lauder Intense Kajal Eye Crayon -- perfect for a winged cat eye look. I'm not much of an eyeshadow gal, but love using this crayon smudged just a bit for a more dramatic, evening look.
3.) Estée Lauder Daywear Anti-Oxidant Beauty Benefit Cream SPF 35 -- I'll usually put this on right before my foundation, or if it's the weekend, I'll opt for just this, as it's lightly tinted and does wonders to even out your skin tone. Plus, gotta have the SPF!
6.) Chanel Correcteur concealer -- spot control done right. Just a little goes a long way under the eyes and blemishes.
7.) Chanel foundation brush #6 and #7 -- I used to use a makeup sponge applicator and only recently switched over to using brushes. I highly recommend making the investment purchase for this. Application is much more even and if taken care of properly, these brushes can last quite a while.
9.) Chloe eau de parfum -- while I normally switch off between my Chanel No. 5 or Balenciaga, I just added this Chloe scent to the rotation, (thanks to Fragrance.net!) and love how refreshing it is. Notes of rose, powder and even a slight hint of honey. The man friend's take? He thinks it smells like Christmas, which I think is boy code for, "I like it."
On a related note, if you're in the market for a new scent, I recommend you check out the selection over at Fragrance.net -- they offer free shipping on orders over $70 and This Time Tomorrow readers can enjoy 15% off their order with the code "TMTW3".
Now tell me -- what are some of your favorite beauty products as of late? Would love to know!
As someone who has just recently begun to grow out her bangs, I'm the first to admit I had grown accustomed to being pretty hands off about my eyebrow upkeep (read: downright lazy -- hey, they were tucked behind some heavy fringe after all). Luckily while I was in New York for Fashion Week a couple of months back now, Kim and I had the chance to visit the kind and knowledgable folks over at Shobha, to whip me back into tip-top eyebrow shape.
Not only was the experience all together painless (I had my doubts about threading, trust me) but their staff was very quick to explain everything in detail, step by step to help me better understand how to literally frame my face with a few, very simple eyebrow shaping tips. This being my first threading appointment, I can safely say I'll be on the hunt for a good salon in my neck of the woods in San Francisco (and, of course, visit Shobha when I'm back in NYC)!
Huge thanks to Heather from Shobha for inviting Kim and I out. Amazing how a little pampering goes a long way, right?
How about you guys? Have any eyebrow maintenance tips? Or perhaps threading salons you swear by?
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