the day after

by Krystal Bick
November 10, 2016



As you may recall, about a year ago, Dave Goldberg, husband to Facebook’s Chief Operating Officer, Sheryl Sandberg, died rather unexpectedly in a tragic treadmill accident. And she, as you might expect, was devastated. Being of the Jewish faith, she observed what is known as a sheloshim, a period of mourning after a loved one passes, at the end of which, she wrote an open letter to her late husband on Facebook that contains this anecdote:

“I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, ‘But I want Dave. I want option A.’ He put his arm around me and said, ‘Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.’

Dave… I promise to do all I can to kick the shit out of option B.”

For a lot of reasons, this anecdote has stuck with me ever since, on a professional and personal level. Particularly, this idea of taking a setback, a failure or just a plain unexpected turn of events, and seeing it as an opportunity for action. A commitment to moving forward and looking ahead. A way of taking a less than ideal hand of cards and staying in the game, because, well, no one else is going to play for you, if you decide to deal yourself out.

As I’m sure many of you can tell at this point, if you’re still reading (which I hope you are!), I am most definitely referring to the past 24 hours and our new President Elect, Donald Trump.

A few things I want to clarify first, before I dive in. I am fully aware that many of you do not come to my blog to read about my political views. Nor do I write this blog to share them. What I do hope I encourage and embody in this corner of the internet is simply this: self-expression in all forms. Of course, we focus on the more lighthearted forms of self-expression, namely style and beauty, but I’d be amiss if I didn’t feel like I strive, in some shape or form, to encourage you to be your own champion, of whatever you believe in. And maybe that’s lofty and maybe it hasn’t come through at times and maybe I’ve seriously fallen short. But my goal, albeit on a small, humble level, is to encourage you to go after whatever you believe in, be that starting your own business, supporting a charity cause you believe in or just plain rocking a certain trend with confidence because it makes you feel good and hold your head a bit higher. Whatever the reason, I’ve always hoped this little online community and kinship we’ve built here at TTT could be one of encouragement and inclusion, not of negativity and division.

With that said, I’d also like to clarify up front, I’m not here to stand on a soap box and alienate anyone on either side of the aisle. I think there’s been a lot of rhetoric thrown around (on both sides mind you) during this election that’s already done a more than sufficient job at that — I refuse to add to it. I think there’s far more common ground that unites us, than what divides us and I want to spend my time and energy focusing on the former, not the latter.

By now, I think it’s been clear in the political glimpses I’ve shared here and there on social media that I supported Secretary Hillary Clinton, and I’m certainly still with her. Not because she’s a woman. Not because I do not support her opponent. But because I think she is the most qualified and most prepared for the job and best represents the kind of America I want to see. And whether or not you agree with me is besides my point. My point is this: I think it’s undeniable, she’s worked tirelessly to get herself there — no easy feat considering that glass ceiling we have yet to break through is still standing and is double paned.

But on Tuesday night, somewhere between 2 and 3am and the seemingly never-ending calculation of Pennsylvania’s votes — it sunk in: The reality my candidate might lose. I was shocked. Saddened. Disappointed. Scared. But mainly numb.

And that numbness persisted through the next morning. I woke up, checked my phone to see if perhaps I had actually dreamt it, and with a heavy sigh, started my day. New York was (perhaps quite poetically) overcast and grey and, as it was repeated numerous times on social media, clouded by a palpable sense of mourning in the air. Around noon, as I was leaving an uptown subway station, I stopped in front of several large screen TVs to watch Secretary Clinton take the stage to deliver her concession speech. Her words were graceful and elegant — the undertones of which are best summed up by her closing scripture excerpt and are what I’d like to emphasize in my post today, because I think they ring true, no matter which party you identify with:

“‘Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season, we shall reap if we do not lose heart.’ So my friends, let us have faith in each other, let us not grow weary, let us not lose heart for there are more seasons to come. And there is more work to do.”

While yesterday may have been a day of mourning for many people in this country, I think it’s important today we mobilize into action. To help spread love whenever possible. To listen better. To empathize. To reach across party lines and to connect. To recognize our differences and to not vilify them, but celebrate them. To get involved. To work together. And yes, to stand together, at a time when our country is so deeply divided. It won’t be easy. It won’t be pretty. But nothing worth having ever is.

Today, we don’t plan our moves to Canada. Today, we dig our heels in and work even harder and more diligently — together.

Regardless of who you supported on Tuesday, our civic duty doesn’t end at the voting polls. If there’s a change you’d like to see, we have a decision to make. We can either lose momentum and continue to point fingers at each other (or worse yet, give in to apathy). Or we can kick the shit out of option B.

I vote for the latter.

If you, like me, are looking for ways to get involved in light of this election, here’s a collection of organizations and non-profits that might be up your alley. And if, you like me, are also looking for smaller ways to just spread love, I think Geri has a beautiful write up here.

And again, if I happened to offend you with my views, my word choice, my rhetoric or any combination of the above, please know it wasn’t my intention. I simply meant for this to be a call to arms for everyone, regardless of party lines, to work together and stand together because I truly believe that’s the only way this country moves forward. Together.

Photos by Lydia Hudgens 

27 thoughts on “the day after

  1. Thanks, Krystal, for putting in writing many of my thoughts. I am not a US citizen, and I don’t even live in the US, but I have followed this election like many in Europe. I was surprised how much I cared about the election, even more surprised how the result devastated me. I really wanted to believe that a woman who, at least in my opinion, were the most qualified person for the job, who had worked tirelessly to play fair, to take the high road when the opponent went low, and more, would be rewarded in the end. It’s like seeing someone you love not using their full potential, instead making poor choices. But Sheryl and you are right: kick the shit out of option B.
    XO from Norway,

  2. This is a stunning piece of writing. Though I’m not American, we in Europe are also so shocked by this outcome. Even more so, however, I’ve witnessed an enormous sadness. Sadness with this outcome, but also with the entire election season. It’s so easy to point fingers and to say this is an internal situation, but I believe that the U.S. elections this year are representative of our entire world at this moment in history. These elections have highlighted the many ways in which mankind is divided, the ways in which we engage in “us versus them,” and the many, many obstacles that still need to be overcome, not just within the U.S., but globally. This is a setback, and it is a huge disappointment. But it’s also a beautiful opportunity to reflect, to realize the ways in which we’ve let one another down, and to explore the many, many ways in which we can, and must, build each other up again, together. Worldwide.
    I don’t think I’ve ever commented here before (even tho I’ve been following along for more years than I can remember!), but this piece truly struck a chord. Your writing is so beautiful, and especially on a topic like this one, it truly is stunning.

  3. Wow, thank you for writing this. I was shocked, disappointed, hurt and then angry. But I’m going to use this anger for good. To help make the changes I want in this world. Thanks for such a beautiful blog post today.

  4. I’ve been following your blog for many years now and I love your personal style, and I am a bit dissapointed to see you cross political lines today. I understand this is your site, your blog or corner of the web, as you call it, and as an extension of your brand is also the individual behind the words and website, a human and her emotions – I get it. Let me start by saying, Trump was not an ideal pick, but yes, I voted for him. I’m not afraid to say it – It was my civic duty to vote, it was my decision on who to elect and honestly I personally felt he was the lesser of two evils. If there was a woman running with utmost integrity, honesty and experience qualified for the job, I would have voted for her – this had nothing to do with the feminist card. But that was NOT Clinton. Yes it’s unfortunate that the GOP came up with him, but its also disgraceful that the DNC came up with her. Is she more qualified? Probably yes, but the lies, corruption and scandal after scandal that the media has been trying to hide for her was insurmountable and THAT was why most of the country lit up red on Tuesday night. Either way, I felt obligated to respond today (I literally never comment), because these past few days, as a conservative, Christian woman living in California I have been very upset and feeling personally attacked for the way I voted. Isn’t that my choice as a citizen?? When all I have tried to do in my life is to show Christs love and be loving and kind to others, I am so so sick of seeing all the terrible intolerance on social media lumping us together if we voted differently. When did being a conservative, Christian, Republican, woman, fighting for her religious freedoms, upholding the Constitution of the United States, as well as her Biblical truths and voting for a president in a Democratic country make me, a close-minded, racist, homophobic, Muslim hating individual? That couldn’t be further from the truth. I am not even white – I’m an Armenian American! If I believed what everyone said, I would personally be placing myself and my family in harms way! People who are less educated in politics will follow everyone else and it’s time that we spoke up too. Sadly, these protests, the news, these terrible updates on social media, etc.. and even the link to non-profits you posted above, they all hint as if these various groups have been targeted and are hated by the Right-side!? This is not true. I guess what I am trying to say is Conservative or Republican DOESN’T mean hate. Trump may NOT be the best person for the job (far from it), but what can we do now? The country voted fair and square and he won! We need to come together as a united country that is already so divided. At the end of the day, not much will change for most of us and life goes on. As an influencer, so many young woman look up to you and will follow what everyone else does on social media, be an example of coming together and uniting – I don’t think your post adequately held neutral ground today. Let’s show respect for each others differing opinions and give our new president elect the benefit of the doubt.

    • Well said. I agree Hillary was a flawed candidate but Trump, to me, is the greater of two evils. He has insulted people of color, religious minorities, prisoners of war and of course, women. He has not only said insulting things about women his behavior has bordered on sexual assault. Before I get called out about Bill Clinton, let’s not forget he got impeached for his actions while in the White House. Trump has named his children as members of his transition team while these same children continue to work for Trump Industries, creating all kinds of conflicts of interest. If you go on Trump’s dot gov website, there is a statement declaring anyone who wants to work in a Trump administration must disclose financial holdings and sources of income, yet he himself never released his own financial information.

      Since the election, those who did not vote for him have held peaceful protests but those who did vote for him are openly expressing racism and bigotry and in some instances resorting to violence. He has yet to denounce any of the actions of his supporters. Instead he attacked the protesters calling them protesters for hire.

      Many of us who did not vote for him are being called to unite behind him and give him a chance, the very chance he had refused to give a newly elected President Obama.

    • Most of us are not saying conservative Republican means hate or that you are automatically racist or sexist by voting a certain way. What was said is that the person the Republican party helped enable become the leader of the free world has normalized hate speech and emboldened people to express it. These people were already racist, sexist, et all but at least it wasn’t socially acceptable to express it and now they seem to think they have license to do so.

      On behalf of women gutted by the result of the election, most of are are disappointed that a man who talks about grabbing pussy didn’t bother people enough to not vote for him. You and others who voted Trump were complacent in that and there’s no way around it. I don’t agree with attacking you or anyone who voted Trump, but you’re getting heat because of your complacency, which is just as bad in many people’s eyes.

      Quick fact check:
      – Opposed gay marriage = says he sees no reason why we wouldn’t keep gay marriage
      – 11 million to be deported = really 2-3 million
      – A wall = really a fence in some places
      – Drain the swamp = Reince Priebus is Chief of Staff
      – Stand up to Wall St / Corporations / Donors = Assign lobbyists, donors, and CEOs to oversee policy and staffing
      – No conflict of interest = Children to manage Trump companies (and also get highest security clearance)
      – Repeal Obamacare = Keep some parts
      – Tear up Iran deal = Review Iran deal
      – Help the working class = Top 0.1 quartile get over 4x the tax relief as the middle quartile
      On the “true to his word” side of things, all signs do point to the white supremacy angle holding form with Steve Bannon being Chief Strategist.

      Looks like the propaganda worked to get him in office but per above Trump voters got played. More than half of us saw through that.

    • First of all, I wanted to apologize for taking a bit longer than I expected to respond. I have been traveling the past few days and wanted to make sure I gave you a fair and thoughtful response. Secondly, thank you for your comment. While my intention was never to alienate anyone or make them feel bad for what they believe in and vote for, I appreciate you coming forward to let me know that you feel that I fell short. I’m sorry for that — it truly was not my goal at all. I want to emphasize that I do not support either side attacking each other. The very point of democracy is for us to advocate for different viewpoints, not to vilify each other for them and, as I said in my post, I think this is where our country has a choice to either stand and work together or fall divided. My hope is for the former. As always, thank you for reading — it means the world to me.

  5. Absolutely beautifully written and I agree with everything you said wholeheartedly. I honestly have very little to add because your words so eloquently described my thoughts and feelings. All I’ll say is that, for me, yesterday was a day of mourning (I cried… A lot), but today and every day moving forward is an opportunity to unite America and look at what we can do for a brighter future.

    Thanks for your beautiful words of inspiration and encouragement.


  6. very well said…I was personally very happy w/ the results, but I have friends who are honestly devastated. Sheryl’s experience w/ Option B, is certainly poignant, & truly an idea to embrace. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story. I will carry with me for disappointments in my life that will inevitably pop up –

  7. Beautiful words, Krystal. Believe me, even over here in New Zealand we are all shocked at this turn of events. We have a saying in our native language, Maori, which is ‘Kia Kaha’ (pronounced key-ah kah-ah). It means ‘stay strong’. ‘Aroha’ (ah-row-hah) is another powerful word I’ll share with you. It means love. And finally, ‘Turangawaewae’ (too-rung-ah-why-why) which means ‘a place to stand’ or ‘stomping ground’. So, no. You don’t all leave for Canada. You stay strong, share the love and stand your ground. x

  8. I’m happy that you make your voice heard and are true to yourself. Everything will be ok if we stay calm and do everything in our power to keep the inertia of the 52% of people who voted for Her while noting that the gap is bigger than we thought. It is a gulf that both sides need to work to bridge if we ever plan to meet.

  9. I truly needed to read this. The past few days have been, to say the least, a nightmare. I too am a HRC supporter, through and through. I’ve been mourning the past few days, but now, as you put it, I am ready to kick the shit out of Option B. Let’s do this thing.

  10. Hi Krystal,

    I have been a long time reader of your blog, for 8 years to be exact, and I really have enjoyed your style and your trips. I appreciate your comments about this election, that you want to step forward and that while this election has ramifications that none of us fully understand right this moment, you realize that we are all people. That all of us have problems, shortcomings, insecurities, hates, loves, happiness, hopes, and aspirations. That it’s easy to be burdened by our troubles and think that either hoping for a savior or finding an evil that we can foist all of our hate on will help us to feel better even in a small way, instead of seeking for that thing that exists in us all which makes us who we are, our identity. I am truly disappointed by everything that I have witnessed this last year. That either candidate was an option, brings to bear how far any discourse has fallen nationally and internationally. Our troubles run far deeper than this election, and only time will tell, as always, the truth from the lies.

    Thank you.

  11. Glad to read this, thank you. I’m Canadian, and though I will only be indirectly affected, I will be affected- your air is our air; your water is our water, etc. This wasn’t an ordinary year, and Trump wasn’t an ordinary candidate. Vigilance is called for.

  12. Patrizia Chiarenza says:

    I am reading this over a year later and your words, along with the memory of that day, bring me to tears. It was a grey, sad morning all around Philadelphia as well but as you said, we cannot lose heart and we must focus on love, unity and peace, I have tried my best to keep that in mind throughout the past year and will continue to do so. Here’s to kicking Plan B’s ass all the way to the next election!

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